HEAVEN KNOWS

Ken and I are friends since first day of school. He's the one na mahilig mang-asar, mangiliti, magpatawa, annoying, but sometimes in a while, I realized he's a sweet one. I'm the opposite. Since elementary, they're making a fuss about us being a couple. Siya lang yung lalaking pumupunta sa birthday ko, graduation treat, even birthday ng kapatid ko. Sabi pa nila, naging kaliwete ako dahil ginaya ko siya noong kinder dahil wala namang kaliwete sa mga magulang ko, but I don't really remember how I ended being a left-handed. He loves math as I do, so we'd been always in one place. So much memories yet I can't spill out. Hanggang sa naghighschool kami nagkahiwalay kami ng school, and naging priority ko na ang pag-aaral. I can recall chatting with him sometime and meeting him personally... until we matured.

My friend said we're "MU", 'we were... but we didn't talk about it' I thought. He matured a lot and sometimes it's getting awkward. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba, pero awkward na din kaming dalawa simula nung naging girlfriend niya yung highschool friend ko. Nagkakasama pa din kami ngayon, occasionally. But I know it's getting worse when I start talking to one of our schoolmates in elem, which is his best friend. Nalibang ako that time, he's just so nice and he doesn't deserve to be hurt. But I know I'm hurting him. Since the time Ken lend his hand to dance with me ( not the time we'd been dancing since we we're partner in almost event in school), I swear to God he's the one I want to be my first boyfriend. Pero kinalimutan ko na yun nang naging girlfriend niya kaibigan ko. They didn't know about it at hindi ko sila pinapakialaman.

I just don't know what I am feeling. I still get jealous thinking you got a girl now but whenever our eyes met, they'rere telling something your mouth can't. I feel like a fool. Am I just imagining it?

I feel happy when I'm with his bestfriend, pero may isang beses na sinabi niya na binalak ni Ken na ligawan ako and damn my mind got wilder, 'what if totoo? What if he's my boyfriend now? Will I be at peace?' Only heaven knows And yes, sinasaktan ko na naman ang lalaking nandyan sa tabi ko at ang kaibigan ko. I should do nothing, just feel the pain, but Ken, if someday we will meet again, after few more years, I could still hear your heart, and everything is fine, please be sincere.

Positive

2020

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FEW TIPS TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP LAST LONG:

1. Be Honest. (You need to be honest with your partner. Honesty is really important in all aspects. Pag wala ito, then don't expect na mag go-grow yung relasyon ninyo. Choose to be honest rather than lying. Di naman mahirap yun.)

2. Be Real. (If your partner really loves you, kahit ano kapa at sino kapa at kung ano pa yung mga nakaraan mo, tatanggapin ka nyan. Being real will help you bring the best in you. Wag kang mag hesitate na magpakatotoo sa partner mo. Let him/her know and see the real you. Deserve din ng partner mo yun.)

3. Be Open. (Learn to be open with your partner sa kahit anong aspeto. Mapa feelings man yan, mga iniisip mo, mga plano sa buhay and all, always choose to be open. Para aware siya at alam niya kung anong tumatakbo sa isipan mo.)

4. Be Faithful. (Eto yung kadalasan na hindi na-aapply ng isang relasyon. You may be loyal but not faithful. Pwedeng sya lang yung jowa mo pero may ka $3× ka palang iba. Nag chicheat ka pala. Dun palang, wala kanang silbi sa relasyon.)

5. Always learn to accept your indifferences. (This one is really important. You should know na yung partner mo eh hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay magkapareho kayo. May mga bagay talaga na nangyayari wherein di kayo on the same spot. And dun palang, you need to respect that. Respect his/her indifferences.)

6. Learn to talk the things that you both need to improve. (Kung napapansin mong may mga bagay sa partner mo na need ng improvement, pag usapan ninyo. Maging open kayo sa isa't isa and make a deal to improve it. Kasi dun ninyo makukuha ang pagiging better sa isa't isa at sa mga sarili ninyo.)

7. Be Understanding. (You should always know na hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon, sayo umiikot yung oras at atensyon ng partner mo. You need to accept the fact na they also need time with their self, time with their family and friends. You need to understand that personal space still matters.)

8. Learn to trust. (This one is also crucial. Dapat pag pumasok ka sa isang relasyon, handa kang magtiwala at pagkatiwalaan ang partner mo. If you've been into previous relationship wherein you got cheated, give time for yourself muna to heal. Mahalin mo muna ang sarili mo at matuto ka ulit magtiwala sa sarili mo bago ka magtiwala sa iba. Pag na achieve mo yun, then I tell you, di na mahirap para sayo ang pagkatiwalaan yung partner mo.)

9. Build dreams and goals together. (Always make sure na may dreams and goals kayo together. Plan those things and put action to it para tulungan kayong dalawa to be successful.)

10. PUT GOD AS THE CENTER OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. (This is the most important thing that y'all need to do and to apply. Wag na wag ninyong kakalimutan na pag may God sa center ng relationship ninyo, then everything will fall at its right place.)

And the list goes on. Dagdag nalang kayo pag meron pang hindi na mention dito

IZA PRANK

I pranked my boyfriend na i was pregnant and ...

Hindi ko inasahan na magkasalungat ang magiging reaction niya sa inaasahan ko.

Lagi niyang sinasabi na sobrang mahal niya ako, di lang sya puro salita lagi niya ring ginagawa. Lagi niyang pinaparamdam na sobrang swerte kong babae dahil may taong mahal na mahal ako ng sobra. In 2 years of relationship never syang nagcheat never nya akong ginago.

PERO ...

Last friday night, I pranked him.

I told him I was pregnant, nagulat ako sa reaksyon niya. Sinabi niya sakin

"Hindi ako handa Jo sobrang dami ko pang pangarap sayo at sa pamilya ko" napatigil ako dun tinignan ko sya sa mga mata niya at ramdam na ramdam ko ang takot at pagka dismaya niya.

"Wag ka mag alala Jo ako na bahala dito. Kaya kong sabihin sa ibang tao hindi sayo to. Hindi bale ng husgahan nila akong maduming babae sasabihin kong hindi ikaw ang ama nito"

Sabi ko habang ramdam ko pinipiga ng sobra ang puso ko.

"Magtatrabaho ako. Bibigyan kita ng pera bubuhayin ko kayo palalabasin natin papanindigan ko yang batang nasa sinapupunan mo kahit sabihin mo sa publiko na di ako ang ama." sobrang nagulat ako.

Di ko nagets ang logic niya.

P.s alam ko sasabihin niyong ako ang gumawa ng ikakasakit ko. But this is also the best way para malaman mo kung ano magiging reaction ng jowa mo if totoong mabuntis ka niya talaga. Atleast ako alam ko na kahihinatnan ko.

Sobrang sakit. Di ko alam pano ko sasabihin na prank lang ang lahat. Di ko alam paano ko sasabihin na di totoong may bata. di ko alam paano sasabihing sobrang nasasaktan ako.

Unknown

2019-2020

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STILL HERE

We're grade 8 nung naging jowa ko si B. Same school. And i remembered how his mother hates me. (his mother is a teacher) To the point na takot na takot ako mag snack during breaktime dahil sa pinagtitinginan na ako ng ibang teachers. Yung parang wala nang freedom sa campus. Yung parang detailed lahat sakanila bawat galaw mo. And i admit that it svcks. Pero mahal ko siya eh. Pinaglaban ko siya. Even though against ang parents nya saming dalawa pinaglaban ko siya. My family loves him so much. Yes, we are too young to be in love but maybe they are too old to understand our feelings. He makes me forget all the problems that we had. He makes me happy. And i badly mis that.

Grade 9 we're still in a relationship but not the same school anymore. He promised me na di niya ako iiwan. He promised na ako lang. Yes we're happy, i understand kung di na niya ako masyado mapuntahan dahilan ng busy sya. I didn't see it as a reason para magalit ako sakanya. Kase ate the first place ako yung nagpupush na pag igihan namin studies namin. Kahit puro rason okay lang. I admit i make a lot of mistakes din sa loob ng almost 2yrs. Pero lahat ng yon bumawi ako. Masaya naman kami. Okay naman kami. But then one day, bigla nalang nawala. Bigla nalang nagkaron ng problema. Bigla nalang naging bigdeal yung problemang pwedeng pag usapan. We broke up. Yes we broke up because i caught him cheating on me. Syempre nasaktan ako oo. Pero marupok ako. Kapag andyan sya nawawala nalang lahat. Pero hindi ko siya binalikan. Pero kapag andyan sya , parang kami ulit. That's the most confusing fact about us.

Akala ko okay na. November 2019, nagparamdam sya asking for me na balikan sya. Dahil marupok ako, unti unti na nya nakukuha ulit loob ko. Pero diko inasahang di nanaman siya magpapardam, hanggang sa may nalaman akong balita na sobrang masakit sa part ko. His ex girlfriend was pregnant. Nakakaguho ng mundo. Pero i take all the pain kase kasalanan ko naman na nagpadala ako. Now he is happy with them, with his own family. Yung family na pinagarap namin . Maybe , ako lang talaga yung nag handa sakanya para sa iba. Baka ako lang yung teacher nya para ihanda sya sa future nya. I hate that part. I build a man, but not for me. I love you. I still love you kahit ganto na yung sitwasyon. Desperada na kung desperada pero forst love never dies. sana naiisip mo din ako. I know mali na toh. but im still hoping for our happy ending my soldier

Now if you're reading this B. I'm still here for you. Maging masaya ka muna . Ipapaubaya kita. Pero once na nalaman kong sinaktan ka nila. I'll gonna get what's mine Funny, this is so desperate but i love you. miss na kita. miss ka na ng family ko.

deunan

first yr college

HRM

UST

CHANCES AFTER CHANCES AFTER CHANCES

I experience a lot of heartaches. Being cheated on, a rebound, friendzone. Name it. I already master the basic techique for a broken heart. Cry at night, and then smile afterwards. Pretending to be okay even if it’s killing you inside. Rebuilding yourself and your confidence after another failure is not easy. Questioning your worth. Blaming yourself when the truth is you already do your best.

Yan ako ngayon, asking myself the same question but still cant find the answer.

After breaking up with my ex because of cheating, nag promise ako sa sarili ko not to entertain anymore. Fixing myself and seeing him on the process is a pure torture. Pero, I am a strong woman, well, on my thinking. Isang araw napansin ko nalang na I dont feel the same pain anymore, not that wala na yung sakit. Overtime nabawasan ng nabawasan. And then one day, napansin ko nalang na I can talk to him na, I can even call him by his first name without any hesitation. I already fix myself, naibalik ko na ang confidence ko, nakatayo ulit ako na akala ko dati hindi ko na magagawa.

Loving youself is the most important part of living. You attract positive vibes. Sa panahong buo na ulit tayo, ayos na ulit tayo. We will try again to take risk. And I did that, I try again. But it seems like, my story has not yet written. Another failure relationship. The boy is Dlareg.

The relationship we had is very complicated. First, he is way older than me (will, love see's no age naman). Second, he is married and had he's 6 year old child. (Pero hiwalay sila and may mutual understanding about sa bata). I am not against that kasi love ko sya ehh and we even clarify things doon sa babae. I accepted him, ang buong pagkatao nya. I honestly believed kasi na when you truly love someone, even their flaws will not matter. I invested my time, my effort, my love, myself. But is seems like, kulang pa din. Nalaman ko na may iba pa syang kinikitang babae.

For the nth time, I got cheated on. Pero bakit wala akong maramdaman, bakit parang okay lang na niloko ako? Bakit hindi ako nagagalit? Kasi at this very moment I am typing these story of mine with just one emotion, disappointment. Disappointed ako sa sarili, giving chances after chances. Pero lahat naman tayo may limitation and I guess I hit mine. I am tired of being taken for granted, I am tired of being just an option. I already did my best.

To Dlareg, I still wish the best for you. I am sorry sa mga pagkukulang ko, I can't be the woman you expected me to be. Maraming beses kitang pinili pero this time, pipiliin ko na muna ang sarili ko na matagal kong ginawang option just to make you my priority. Thank you for filming good memories with me. Till we meet again.

Kanna

20**

UNKNOWN

UNKNOWN

PAGTINGIN

I just want to share the unforgettable moment namin ni crush. Lunch break noon and kapapasok ko lang, naabutan ko yung mga kaibigan ko sa labas ng room kasama ang aking future husband HAHAHAHA charot! Pero that time bad mood ako, so umupo lang ako sa tabi nila at bigla din namang umupo si crush sa harap ko at naka-earphone sya. Wala akong balak magpacute sa kanya kasi nga bad mood ako, pero bigla na lang sinalpak ni crush sa tenga ko yung earphone nya, bali tag-isa kami ganern haha tapos ang nakaplay na music ay yung kanta ng ben&ben na PAGTINGIN, yawaen bakit yun pa? HAHAHA nananadya ata si crush, pero syempre keleg na keleg si ate mo ghorl lalo na yung nasa chorus na "pag nilahad ang damdamin sana'y di magbago ang pagtingin" sinasabayan ko yung kanta habang pasimpleng nakatingin sa kanya habang nag-aayos sya ng sapatos. Tapos bigla syang napatingin sakin haha kinikilig ako pero mas lamang yung sakit kasi kahit kailan hindi nya ako magugustuhan, kahit mga 1% ata wala eh. Habang ninanamnam ko yung kilig at sakit, ninamnam ko rin yung amoy ng medyas nya, bigla nya kasing tinapat sa ilong ko bwisettt HHAHAHAHA so ayun kilig na kilig na naman ako! HAHAHAHAHA

Hi crush! idk kung natatandaan mo pa yan pero sa tingin ko ay hindi na. Isa lang yan sa mga unforgettable moments natin dahil marami pang iba na nagbigay sakin ng pag-asa na baka may nararamdaman karin sa 'kin pero nagkamali pala ako, dahil yung mga moments na yon ang syang nagpahirap sa 'kin para kalimutan ka at yung nararamdaman ko para sayo. Tama nga sila, hindi lahat ng unforgettable moments ay masaya. Pero mas okey narin ata yung set up natin ngayon na hanggang friends lang. Alam ko naman kasi na alam mo na may gusto ako sayo, pero hindi mo parin ako iniiwasan, dahil dyan mas lalo kitang nagugustuhan. Mahal na nga ata kita eh HAHAHAHA rupok.

Mabango po yung medyas ni crush HAHAHAHAHAHA kung sakaling mauulit yon, baka po malunok ko na yung medyas nya sa sobrang kilig.

Eyla-eun

Others

Others

Unknown

I HATE MY BODY, I HATE ME

I shouldn't open up about this but I just can't help it. I'm always anxious about how I look, and I hope letting my frustrations out could alleviate my adverse thoughts.

Ever since, I wasn't this very particular about my physical looks especially about my body, although, I heard negative feedbacks about my body few times before, but it was never a big deal (sinasakyan ko pa nga mga jokes nila).

BUT THAT WAS BEFORE.

Not until nagpandemic, nag-community quarantine, at nagkulong ako sa kwarto. During those times, I started to notice my imperfections, I started to recall those words that were once didn't matter but now are like sharp knives stabbing me to death. I started to loathe my body to the core. I started to cry most of the night and the reason was because my body is quite different from others (I'm not an alien tho, neither a PWD). I started to antagonize myself, and I think the worst part was that I thought of committing suicide just because of this.

Walang lang, ****. As in! Nagbabasakaling kapag namatay ako eh mapupunta yung kaluluwa ko sa katawan ni Gigi Hadid sa susunod kong buhay hehe tapos makahanap din ng Zayn Malik HAHAHAHA.

But seriously, whenever I thought of such horrific acts, I felt guilty at the same time because I know for a fact that there are people fighting for their lives in anywhere, while here I am wanted to end mine dahil lang sa kaisipang hindi pasok sa standards ng karamihan ang body type na meron ako. OA man siguro pakinggan pero sadyang 'di ko maiwasan mag-overthink, eh! Kaya gusto ko nalang bumalik sa panahong wala akong pakealam sa mga pisikal na anyo ng tao. Kasi ngayon, y*w*!

Gusto ko nalang maging alikabok o pwede rin namang pato, tamang quack2x lang sa lahat ng oras.

Pero sa true lang, DOES BODY FIGURE REALLY MATTER? Kasi para sa'kin dati, hindi naman eh. Now lang talaga ako nabuang ng ganito ka-severe.

P.s: Hawig yung katawan ko sa katawan ni Cameron Diaz. I have short torso and super long legs, the only difference is that siya may abs, ribs ko lang bumabakat sa'kin eh.

BadaBoombBadaBeys

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