CHANCES AFTER CHANCES AFTER CHANCES

I experience a lot of heartaches. Being cheated on, a rebound, friendzone. Name it. I already master the basic techique for a broken heart. Cry at night, and then smile afterwards. Pretending to be okay even if it’s killing you inside. Rebuilding yourself and your confidence after another failure is not easy. Questioning your worth. Blaming yourself when the truth is you already do your best.

Yan ako ngayon, asking myself the same question but still cant find the answer.

After breaking up with my ex because of cheating, nag promise ako sa sarili ko not to entertain anymore. Fixing myself and seeing him on the process is a pure torture. Pero, I am a strong woman, well, on my thinking. Isang araw napansin ko nalang na I dont feel the same pain anymore, not that wala na yung sakit. Overtime nabawasan ng nabawasan. And then one day, napansin ko nalang na I can talk to him na, I can even call him by his first name without any hesitation. I already fix myself, naibalik ko na ang confidence ko, nakatayo ulit ako na akala ko dati hindi ko na magagawa.

Loving youself is the most important part of living. You attract positive vibes. Sa panahong buo na ulit tayo, ayos na ulit tayo. We will try again to take risk. And I did that, I try again. But it seems like, my story has not yet written. Another failure relationship. The boy is Dlareg.

The relationship we had is very complicated. First, he is way older than me (will, love see's no age naman). Second, he is married and had he's 6 year old child. (Pero hiwalay sila and may mutual understanding about sa bata). I am not against that kasi love ko sya ehh and we even clarify things doon sa babae. I accepted him, ang buong pagkatao nya. I honestly believed kasi na when you truly love someone, even their flaws will not matter. I invested my time, my effort, my love, myself. But is seems like, kulang pa din. Nalaman ko na may iba pa syang kinikitang babae.

For the nth time, I got cheated on. Pero bakit wala akong maramdaman, bakit parang okay lang na niloko ako? Bakit hindi ako nagagalit? Kasi at this very moment I am typing these story of mine with just one emotion, disappointment. Disappointed ako sa sarili, giving chances after chances. Pero lahat naman tayo may limitation and I guess I hit mine. I am tired of being taken for granted, I am tired of being just an option. I already did my best.

To Dlareg, I still wish the best for you. I am sorry sa mga pagkukulang ko, I can't be the woman you expected me to be. Maraming beses kitang pinili pero this time, pipiliin ko na muna ang sarili ko na matagal kong ginawang option just to make you my priority. Thank you for filming good memories with me. Till we meet again.

Kanna

20**

UNKNOWN

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