I HATE MY BODY, I HATE ME

I shouldn't open up about this but I just can't help it. I'm always anxious about how I look, and I hope letting my frustrations out could alleviate my adverse thoughts.

Ever since, I wasn't this very particular about my physical looks especially about my body, although, I heard negative feedbacks about my body few times before, but it was never a big deal (sinasakyan ko pa nga mga jokes nila).

BUT THAT WAS BEFORE.

Not until nagpandemic, nag-community quarantine, at nagkulong ako sa kwarto. During those times, I started to notice my imperfections, I started to recall those words that were once didn't matter but now are like sharp knives stabbing me to death. I started to loathe my body to the core. I started to cry most of the night and the reason was because my body is quite different from others (I'm not an alien tho, neither a PWD). I started to antagonize myself, and I think the worst part was that I thought of committing suicide just because of this.

Walang lang, ****. As in! Nagbabasakaling kapag namatay ako eh mapupunta yung kaluluwa ko sa katawan ni Gigi Hadid sa susunod kong buhay hehe tapos makahanap din ng Zayn Malik HAHAHAHA.

But seriously, whenever I thought of such horrific acts, I felt guilty at the same time because I know for a fact that there are people fighting for their lives in anywhere, while here I am wanted to end mine dahil lang sa kaisipang hindi pasok sa standards ng karamihan ang body type na meron ako. OA man siguro pakinggan pero sadyang 'di ko maiwasan mag-overthink, eh! Kaya gusto ko nalang bumalik sa panahong wala akong pakealam sa mga pisikal na anyo ng tao. Kasi ngayon, y*w*!

Gusto ko nalang maging alikabok o pwede rin namang pato, tamang quack2x lang sa lahat ng oras.

Pero sa true lang, DOES BODY FIGURE REALLY MATTER? Kasi para sa'kin dati, hindi naman eh. Now lang talaga ako nabuang ng ganito ka-severe.

P.s: Hawig yung katawan ko sa katawan ni Cameron Diaz. I have short torso and super long legs, the only difference is that siya may abs, ribs ko lang bumabakat sa'kin eh.

BadaBoombBadaBeys

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