KAY TAGAL KANG HININTAY BY SPONGECOLA

Five years ago you became my dance partner in college. It was actually shouldn't be you but you were a pain in our prof's neck.

You are not a typical student. Hindi ka marunong ngumiti. You always do what you want. You went to school drunk.

You are our class's problem.

And I was just a simple student. Very predictable. And then you became my partner in dance presentation. I was actually scared, baka pag-trip-an mo lang ako or i-bully mo or baka hindi ka sumipot sa practice natin.

Pero nabago yung tingin ko nung nauna kang dumating sa meeting place natin. You were actually the most caring, gentle and sweetest person I've ever met. That time, I always look forward sa mga practices natin. You excite me. Made me feel butterflies in my stomach. You carried me whenever I feel tired. Hindi mo binibitawan yung kamay ko kahit tapos na yung part na dapat magkahawak mga kamay natin. And when you kissed my forehead nung hinatid mo ko one night, right there and then I realized that I'm in love with you.

Hindi nagtagal niligawan mo ko at sinagot kita. You promised everything to me. Nangako ka na hindi mo bibitiwan ang mga kamay ko, na hindi mo bibitawan ang pagmamahalan na to, ang pagmamahalan na nagsimula sa isang sayaw kahit pa matapos ang tugtog neto.

Sabi nila sa mga unang taon ng relationship ang pinakamasaya. Ang laki ng ipinagbago mo. Hindi ka na umiinom, nagbabarkada. You didn't cut classes. We we're inseparable. Lalo kitang minahal dahil sa pag-aalaga mo. Sabi mo nga ikaw yung lalakeng binago ko. Yung lalakeng pinatino ko. We were happy sa mga simpleng bagay. Kahit wala tayong pera dahil estudyante pa lang tayo.

Natatandaan mo ba nung nagshe-share tayo sa iisang ulam para may pang-sine tayo? Naglalakad para makatipid. Tandang-tanda ko when you said that you were the one who never walks fast just to walk with me side by side. The one who runs whenever I need you. You said you were the one who chose me over your parents. The one who really cares for me not because you need something from me. Pinahinto sa pag-inom ng alak. Natutong magsimba. Gumawa ng paraan para maipagmalaki ko. The one who stands up for me kahit nakalimutan mo ng alagaan ang sarili mo. Yung lalakeng hinarap magulang ko kahit nung una ayaw nila sayo. The one who shields sunlight wag lang ako mainitan. Hanggang sa first job ko hatid sundo mo ko, kahit maglakad ka, mainitan at maulanan just for me to be home safe. You were always there for me sa halos lahat ng milestones sa buhay ko. Ang dami nating hinarap na problema na magkasama pero na-overcome natin lahat ng yon. It was an ideal realationship and I could not ask for more.

Lumipas ang ilang araw, buwan, taon. Limang taon. Ilang kanta na ba ang sabay nating kinanta? Ilang pelikula na ang pinanood na magkasama? Ilang bote ng alak ang nainom nating dalawa? Ilang roadtrips? Ilang okasyon na ba? Ilang pasko, monthsaries, anniversaries? Ilang dagat? Ilang lugar ang pinuntahan nating dalawa? Ilang kainan? Tawanan, iyakan, kasiyahan. Ilang problema ang napagtagumpayan nating dalawa? Hindi ko na mabilang.

But even the best fall down sometimes, sabi nga sa kanta. You got your own business. I got promoted. We can go wherever we want, we can do whatever we want. And before our 5th anniversary I learned that you are cheating on me. I can't remember how painful the first time was. All I can remember was I cried until there were no more tears left in my eyes. I asked myself why? I was a living dead. Could not eat. Couldn't sleep. Ilang araw na umiiyak. Sa trabaho. Sa kama ko. Habang naliligo. You have no idea how someone will go through because of what you did.

Pero sa kabila ng ginawa mo pinatawad kita. Even if the world was against my decision. Kahit talikuran ako ng mga kaibigan ko dahil sabi ko sa kanila kilala kita at hindi ka ganong tao. Maybe you did that because I was busy at work. I have many lapses too. Pero hindi ka ganong tao.

After that same routine. Bumalik yung dati. Pero pinaghigpitan kita. Sino ba naman tao ang gusto ulit maranasan maloko? Konting away block agad sayo. Sino ba naman ang gusto laging pinagsisinungalingan mo?

Akala ko magbabago. Pero naulit yung panloloko mo. Inulit kong tanungin ang sarili ko. Bakit? Wala akong ginawang masama sayo.

Tama na. Sumabay naman ako sa tyempo pero bakit paglingap ko iba na yung kasayaw mo?

Tumigil na ang kanta.

Ang sayaw nati'y natapos na.

Ang indak natin ay may hangganan na.

Ang kwento nati'y hanggang dito na lang pala.

Para sayo,

I know everything. I know about that girl. I know na August 6 pa lang kayo na. But it's okay. I wasn't mad because you chose someone over me. I was mad because you should have told me.

I was mad because she knew about us but still pinatulan ka niya. You deserve each other. Paulit-ulit kong sinasabi sayo na kung may gusto kang iba sabihin mo agad. Hindi mo nirespeto pinagsamahan natin. I wasn't selfish. Papalayain kita sabihin mo lang. I don't know your reason. Pero pinatawad na kita. You are forgiven because that's what I need to do. That's what I need to do to move forward na walang dinadala. Always remember what I said. That you should learn to live life na walang taong nasasaktan at natatapakan. Work hard para sa anak ng bago mo. And you should not blame anyone para sa shortcomings mo. I really hope you will not regret what you did. Have a good life. Till then.

Ex Baby

201*

CEU

WHAT IF (NABAKLA PART 2)

For me everything was perfect. Yung kasal na pinapangarap ko ginawa ko sa kasalan na'to. Isa ako sa nagplano. Binuhos ko lahat ng makakaya ko. Pagod, gutom at puyat ang inabot ko pero okay lang, maging maganda lang ang kinalabasan ng mahalagang event na'to. Talagang pinaghandaan ko. Pati sarili ko hinanda ko sa araw na ito.

Nasa simbahan nako, mula dito sa kinatatayuan ko tanaw na tanaw ko yung ganda ng lugar, mga papasok na bisita, si tito at tita, si mama at papa, at ilan pa nating kakilala na nasa loob na. Pati ikaw na groom, kitang-kita. You're looking at me blankly pero nakikita ko sa mata mo ang awa at sakit. Bakit pa kailangang humantong sa ganito?

Tapos ng mag-martcha ang mga flower girls at abay ng kasal. Susunod na ang bride. Bago buksan ang pintuan halos nakatingin lahat sakin. Tinitignan nila kung anong magiging reaksyon ko, but i chose to stay calm.

I was trying my best to smile and be happy for your most special day. Napatitig ako sa mapapangasawa mo, habang dahan-dahang naglalakad papalapit sayo. Bawat hakbang niya parang inaapakan ang puso ko. Bawat titig sakin ng mga kaibigan natin, bawat lingon ng pamilya natin na may kasamang awa hindi ko maiwasan na mapaluha pero as much as possible pinipigilan ko. Ginusto ko rin naman 'to kaya papanindigan ko.

Nakikita kong malapit na yung mapapangasawa mo sayo at naramdaman ko na rin ang unti-unti pagtulo ng luha ko.

Gusto kong pigilan yung kasal, gusto kong sumigaw pero ayaw kong masira 'tong araw na'to. Wala akong ibang magawa kun'di panooring ikasal ka. Ikaw na nakasama ko ng ilang taon. Simula nung nakilala kita, at naging tropa hanggang sa nagtapat ka sakin at sinagot kita at naging jowa, halos lahat yun masasaya. Masasaktan man pero hindi ganto kalala.

Nung malapit na ang bride sa harap mo, hindi ko napigilang mawalan ng balanse. Muntik na kong matumba. Pero sumenyas ka sa kaibigan mo na alalayan ako.

Pinalabas ako ni Paulo. Hindi na'ko kumontra kase naririnig kong nagsisimula na. Bawat katagang binibitawan ni Father, tumatagos sa puso ko. Sabay tayong nanunuod ng wedding videos dati. Pinapractice pa nga natin ang mga linyang isasagot natin sa kasal na pinlano natin. Parehas na parehas din ang mga panatang binitawan mo, ang pinagkaiba lang, sa kanya mo na sinabi, habang ako ay nakikinig nalang.

Akala ko kaya ko. Kaya nung sinabi mo 'saking magpatulong ka sa kasal mo, pumayag ako. Tutulong lang naman ako, kase si Paulo talaga ang wedding planner mo. Pero masyado yata akong tänga, at halos lahat ako nagplano. Oo ka lang ng oo kapag tinatanong ka ni Paulo tungkol sa mga suggestion ko. Malamang alam ko kung anong gusto mo kase pinangarap natin 'to. Pero ang sakit lang na tinutupad mo sa iba. Pinlano nating dalawa to, pero ngayon hindi na ako ang kasama.

Naisip ko. What if hindi kita sinagot, hahantong kaya tayo sa ganto? What if naging magkaibigan lang tayo, ganto parin kaya ang sakit? Alam kong selfish na piliin mo'ko kesa jan sa mapapangasawa mong nabuntis mo, pero what if pinili mo'ko? Magiging masaya ba tayo? Hindi ko alam kung paano ka kakalimutan, pero alam ko rin na kailangan. Bata pa naman ako/tayo kaya alam kong hindi pa dito matatapos ang mundo.

Ron, pasensya ka na kung hindi ko na kayang tapusin ang seremonyas. Ang tänga ko lang sa part na tumulong pa'ko magplano. Na pumunta pa'ko. Pasensya kana, akala ko kaya ko na pero hindi pa pala.

~~~

Jana

2021

Unknown

Unknown

NABAKLA

Hi. Call me Jana and I’m a lesbian. Even if it’s hard to be part of LGBTQ family, sa part ko hindi ako nahirapan. Tanggap ako ng parents ko at ng mga friends ko since lumaki akong ganto. Maraming akong tropang babae pero mas maraming lalaki. Magaling ako sa basketball kaya part ako ng varsity team sa school namin. Meron kaseng womens division ang larong basketball sa school namin.

I have a lot of friends pero may nag-iisa lang akong matuturing na bestfriend. Halos may alam siya sa lahat ng nangyari sa buhay ko. Sabay kaming lumaki. Lahat ng trip ginagawa namin. Magka-edad kami, same school pero hindi kami same section.This school year kase nahiwalay siya. Siya din ang palaging nakakalaban ko sa basketball tuwing nag-papractice kami. He’s Ron. Also a school’s varsity.

Ewan ko kung anong meron dito kase ang dami-daming babaeng nagkakagusto sa kanya. Siguro dahil magaling siyang mambola? Lol. Pati yung crush na crush ko nagkagusto din sa kanya. Maraming kumakausap sakin na babae na gusto ireto ko sila sa bestfriend ko, kasama na dun yung crush ko. Hindi sya gwapo. Hindi rin naman pangit. Sakto lang. Pero nung isang beses na tinanong yung crush ko kung anong nakikita niya kay Ron, eto lang nasabi nya "Daig ng ma-appeal ang gwapo." Appealing daw. Syempre wala akong interes sa kanya. Kaya nga naiinis at naiingit ako sa kanya. Palagi ko nalang hinihiling na sana lalake nalang talaga ako kasi mas gwapo naman ako sa kanya kung naging lalaki ako.

Maraming nangyari. Hanggang sa nagkamabutihan sila nung crush ko. Hindi ko na sila parehas nakakausap dahil palagi na silang magkasama. Kaya hanggang ngayon nai-insecure parin ako sa kanya. Pero masasabi ko na simula pagkabata, dito na naghihiwalay ang landas na namin.

Matagal din na natatahimik ang buhay ko mula nung nagkamabutihan sila ng crush ko. Puro sila post sa facebook na magkasama. Matagal-tagal narin akong hindi nakatanggap ng trashtalk mula sa kanya. Matagal narin yung huling laro namin ng online games at huling movie marathon sa bahay nila. Matagal na yung huling foodtrip. Wala na ‘kong makasamang mag girl hunting sa campus. Hindi narin kami nakapaglaro, tinatamad na siya kase ilang buwan nalang graduation na. Ilang beses akong nag-aya pero react lang natanggap kong reply sa kanya. Pag nagkasalubong naman kami, kulitan saglit at maya maya aalis na siya. May mga kaibigan din naman ako pero iba parin pag siya talaga kasama. Nasanay akong andiyan lang siya.

Naiiyak ako bigla pagkatapos ng halos kalahating taon na hindi kami nagkakasama. Feeling ko nababakla ako. Marami akong na-realize ‘nung nawala siya. Hindi na rin siya masyadong pumupuntang court. Ayoko naming magdrama sa kanya kaya sa inis ko iniwas ko nalang sarili ko. Nakakatampo. Bukod sa nakaka-offend na nasa kanya yung crush, nakakabw*sit lang na nakalimutan niya bigla ako.

Umiwas ako. Binlock ko siya sa lahat social media accounts ko. At umiiwas ako tuwing magkakasalubong kami. Hanggang sa napansin nya. Nung una parang wala lang sa kanya. Alam kong alam niyang binlock ko siya at galit ako sa kanya pero wala siyang ginawa kaya mas lumalim yung inis ko sa kanya.

Halos isang buwan na wala kaming communication. Buwan ng January, pumunta siya sa bahay makiki-New year daw. Hindi ko siya nilabas. Nasa kwarto lang ako. Ilang buwan siyang nanunuyo at nagpapapansin pero nagmatigas ako. Andun yung hinahagisan niya ko ng bola pag dumaan sa hallway. Inaabangan pagpasok at paglabas ng school. Tumatambay sa bahay. Pinagluluto ako ng paborito kong ulam . Pero wala badtrip talaga ako sa kanya. Sabi ko sa sarili ko ilang buwan nalang naman magkokolehiyo na kami, mahihiwalay na ko sa kanya.

April 1, 2016. Graduation day na mismo. Tapos na ang siremonyas. Naghagis na kami parepareho ng sumbrero namin. At kanya kanyang iyakan ang mga babaeng katabi ko, kokorni. Bat kase dito ako nakapwesto.

Paglingon ko nakita ko si Ron. Kinawayan nya ako at dali-daling lumapit sa pwesto ko. Tapos hinagis niya sakin yung isang regalo gradution gift daw. Alam kong hindi ko siya trip pero hindi ko maintindihan yung nararamdaman ko nung mga oras nayun. Kasabay nun biglang lumuhod sya at iniangat ang kamay nya. Lah? Tapos natulala ako ‘nung kunin niya kamay ko. Sabay sabing “Janaaa, sorry naa.” Takteee nakakahiyaaaa!!! Nasa likod ko pa naman sila mama.

Iningat ko siya at sinuntok sa tiyan sabay sabing “gag* mo.” Napakalakas ng trip kase alam niyang nasa likod ko parents ko at maraming nakatingin samin. Pero natulala ako nung pagkatayo niya lumapit at bumulong siya sa tenga ko “Jana, sorry. Feeling ko may gusto na yata ako sayo.” The audacity! Biglang lumambot ang pang-lalaki kong katauhan nung narinig ko ang sinabi niya. Putcha ! nababakla na yata ko sa kanya.

Jana

2016

Unknown

CNHS

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

It was November 06, 2019 when we first talked. It was a night full of unsaid thought running on my mind when I decided to use Omegle. I met him through that site. We talked about our life happenings, hobbies, pets, and everything. Usually that site was full of rumors about "horny" "disrespectful" guys, but he proved it wrong.

So when I got comfortable, he gave his facebook account and I gave mine too. We talked there. We get to know each other more, it's unending convo, no worries to be disconnected.

Weeks passed, he's still consistent with chatting me, I like how he was really hands-on to me even though we're really apart from each other. He filled the gap I needed. He cared. He protected and loved me. And that's another reason why I took the risk to meet him personally.

Night before we met, I told him that our conversation is not normal for friendship, so I asked if he had plans to pursue me and guess what he said, yes. November 24, 2019 when it happened, at first I'm really uncomfy and shy yet as time passed by, he made me feel comfortable and we enjoyed things as if it's our last.

We get to know each other more personally, we ask each other some questions. We took some pictures. We ate together. We had really fun. The most memorable part is before we bid goodbye, he kissed me on my forehead and with that I felt so respected and loved.

The next coming days after we met, he didn't change. He's still consistent with his actions and words, actually medyo nag improve. He always ask how my day went, what I did in school and after telling him my everyday life happenings he would always tell me "I'm so proud of you, You did great today.” Felt so much emotions everyday with that statement, it never gets old. I love how he really missed me.

December 2019 came, he's still the same, he never changed. Bagyong Tisoy came, power was interrupted for a week, we never had communication everyday, but he always made sure I'm okay and felt loved. He always made a poem for me. He always update how his day went although I'm not replying because of power interruption and weak connection. But if I'm at the school where there is electricity and connection, I always find time to chat with him and make a lil' bit convo. He told me that bagyong tisoy made his patience long and I felt so special at that time.

After a week or so, I'm really confused with what I'm taking, and especially the 6 years age gap bothered me the most. I was 16 turning 17 while he was 22 that time. So after a day or two of evaluating the situations, I came up with the decision to let him stop pursuing me. I was young. I was confused. Nevertheless, it doesn't stop him.

He always chatted me, asked how my day went and all although I'm not replying (too bad). He's still consistent. He never changed.

Year 2020 came, I was still unsure yet my heart can't stop from talking to him. No malicious talking, I get cringe whenever he talks sweetly. We continue talking but not really the same before. Yet, he still cared, protected, and made me feel loved.

I repeat HE'S SO SERIOUS AND CONSISTENT!!!

Btw he always asks me for a weekly get away every weekend from december 2019 until March but I refused all the time. I always make excuses.

March 2020, lockdown happened, we talked a lot. He helped me in my online classes, in every way he can. He always updates me how his day went. I fell in love with him again, but still not really sure. Yet, we still continue talking.

ECQ and GCQ were lifted. He still never gets tired asking me to go out cause he misses me a lot daw. I always refused. I wasn't still sure. November 2020 we got really close again, we pissed each other a lot and made some chikas. He shared his future plan with me. He asks again if I can go out, I can but I don't want to yet.

Been a year of not seeing each other. Btw, he's really excited about my debut. December came, we talked but not everyday. I know he's really busy with his work. On the 21st day he asked me if I could meet him, yet I refused.

Although we're in the same city that time, its like I wasn't really sure to see him. We never had communication in the next coming days until new year came, he greeted me and I greeted him too.

Never expected that was our last convo.

My debut came, he knew it. I waited for him to greet me but nothing came So I just thought that he was busy. After my birthday, I've been missing him a lot, my friends knew how I really longed for him, they know how I'm really kilig and excited to see him because finally "I'm sure about me and him".

Weeks passed when I went to the city with my friends and omg! I don’t know if it's him but i'm so conscious and kilig because there's this one guy in the jeepney who looks really the same as him.

I told my friend that "uy wtf kasakay ko si ano". And when me and my two friends met at the mall I was really kilig telling them about him and how I was really longing for him, he never replied to my chats.

So when I got home, I texted him like "Uy ikaw ba nakita ko kanina? Sorry if ang snob ko, naconscious din kasi ako". Yet he never replied. I told my friend that I'm gonna call him the other day if he still doesn't reply.

Three minutes passed after telling my friend, I saw some post saying that he was gone. It never sinks on my mind kasi sabi ko nakita ko pa lang siya. It was his last burial day and I don’t know what to do. I cried and cried. I called my friend and told her everything. Good thing I have a one call away friend to join me to attend on his interment day.

I was still in denial, I still can't accept. Regrets are racing in my mind. It's one of the toughest situations in my life, days passed I still mourn for him. My day won't be complete if he doesn't cross on my mind.

Months passed before his 40th day, I finally knew that he had someone before he died. Felt so many emotions that day because I assumed I was his only love before he died. But I was wrong nevertheless that doesn't stop me from mourning, I know I had a big part of his life. He taught me so many lessons in life which I won't forget. He helped me back then in any ways he could. I owe him big time. He's a standard setter.

A letter to him:

My dear, I love and I miss you so much. I know you're happy up there, No pain. I felt relieved that you won't experience those pain in this cruel world. Thank you for still helping me to heal these wounds in my heart. You've had a big part in my life which I won't forget. You bring out the best in me. Forever still grateful for I still had the chance to know you tho it's just limited. Till we meet again!

M.K

2019

BSNursing

Unknown

IN REPLY TO: POLO

(PART 4)

Hi babe, mahal, my love. I don't know where to start since I am not fan into writing confessions. But I know you deserve an answer. Kahit papaano, you deserve this.

The moment our friends sent your story sa gc, i felt attacked. I don't know what to react. I was attacked by my guilt. Alam kong ayaw mong mag-kwento sa iba but you end up telling your story sa isang 'secret files'. I felt so sorry kase obviously, wala ka ng mapagsabihan because all these years, naka-focus ka sakin. I am you're boyfriend at the same time your bestfriend.

All this time, hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari sayo. Gusto kong magsumbong sa mga kaibigan natin pero naipit ako sa sitwasyong kailanman hindi ko ginusto, pero kasalanan ko. Kasama ko mag-ina ko kaya hindi kita mapuntahan. Ayaw rin kitang kumustahin kase natatakot akong baka kapag sinabi mong you're not okay, I'll be running back to you.

Alam kong naintindihan mo ang desisyon ko. Ikaw pa ba? Kelan mo ba ako hindi naintindihan? Kelan mo ba sinabing mali ako? Our entire relationship was managed by you. Ikaw palaging umiintindi. Akala ko dahil lang sa Psych-major ka kaya ganyan ka. Pero mali pala. Nag-iisa kalang. Hindi na kita makikita pa sa iba. Wala na sana akong mahihiling pa pero mahal, pasensya kana, huli na nung na-realize ko na “panalo na sana, binitawan ko pa.”

Pasensya kana ha, kung naging marupok ako. You're too kind that I end up taking you for granted. Ilang beses akong nakipagkita sa ex ko because that time I was bored. Pakiramdam ko paulit-ulit nalang ang nangyayari sa relasyon natin. Kaya 'nung nag-message sakin ex ko, pinatulan ko.

Hindi ko man lang iniisip ang maaring kahinatnan ng ginawa ko. Ang alam ko lang, hindi mo'ko mahuhuli at minsan lang naman. She was my first love, that's why I missed talking to her. Unang beses naming pagkikita, kinakabahan pa'ko kase this is the first time I lied to you. Hanggang sa nasundan ng nasundan at para bang madali nalang kitang takasan. There was this time, na pinagdudahan mo'ko, but then again, I just explain and pinaniwalaan mo'ko.

Ilang buwan kaming nag-catch up ng ex ko. Aaminin ko, after months of being bored sa relationship natin, naging masaya ulit ako. I know that was wrong but i was really happy catching up with her.

Months passed, patuloy naming ginawa. Until month of November after ko nakipagkita sa kanya sa umaga at sinundo kita sa trabaho kinagabihan, i realized na grabe na. Sobrang makasalanan ko na. Inaatake ako ng konsensya ko. Bawat tingin ko sa mga mata mo, nasasaktan ako. Napupuyat na rin ako kakaisip ng 'what if malaman mo'. Kaya nag-decide ako na itigil na.

Month of December, nakipagkita ako sa ex ko. I told her itigil na namin. I thought that was our last meeting but na-shocked ako when she told me,

“I want to stop too, pero kinakabahan ako kase this month delayed ako”

Para akong binuhusan ng buo-buong yelo sa mukha. Negative thoughts are eating me alive. Kung kailan naisipan kong itigil na, dun pa nagka-problema. Balisa akong umuwi hanggang makarating ako sa bahay.

Sa mga panahon na'yun, I thought hindi mo nahalata, not until I read your confession. I forgot na kilalang kilala mo pala ako. Bawat galaw ko napapansin mo.

Kinabahan ako sa nangyari, and I keep on praying and hoping that she's not pregnant. Pero tama nga sila, digital na ang karma. Day after that, she called. She told she was pregnant. Hindi na ako nagtanong, i know i am the father. I know my ex, she's too inlove with me kaya alam kong ako lang ang kinikita niya.

Kahit na sobrang naguluhan ako sa nangyari, isa lang ang sigurado ko. I won't let my child grow in a broken family. And with that, I know na kailangan kitang i-sakripisyo. Kelangan kong pagbayaran ang pagkakamali ko. Walang kasalanan ang magiging anak ko, kaya kailangan kong panindigan ang nagawa ko.

I treasured all the days left. Bumawi ako sayo. Lahat ng gusto kong iparamdam sayo, lahat ng gusto kong gawin, ginawa ko. Kahit man lang sa huling pagkakataon, i did my best for you. Makabawi man lang ako sa kabaitan mo. Kahit alam kong hinding-hindi ko mababayaran ang kasalanang nagawa ko pero makita lang kitang masaya, masaya narin ako. After all, I don't deserve you. You’re too much for me.

"Kc. let's break-up amicably, Buntis si **** at ako ang ama.”

Natulala ka. Umiiyak ka. Pinaiyak kita. Ang sakit, sobra. T@ngin@ karma tama na. Gusto kong angkinin lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman mo. Pero hanggang sa huli, bilib parin ako sayo. Hindi mo man lang ako sinigawan. Hindi mo man lang ako sinaktan. Hindi mo man lang ako tinanong kung bakit ko nagawa. Tahimik ka lang habang umiiyak.

"Pötä naman Kc, magsalita ka! Wag kang pumayag na makipaghiwalay ako” Gusto kong sabihin yan sayo pero natatakot akong kapag kumontra ka, bibigay ako. Baka tuluyan kong tatalikuran ang responsibilidad ko.

Mas masakit tignan na sinasarili mo lahat, na sa tingin mo sa lahat ng oras maintindihan mo'ko. Nakatulugan mo ang pag-iyak. Binuhat kita papuntang kama, at hinalikan ka sa noo.

"Please be happy Kc ..." that's my christmas wish for you.

I decided to leave that night. Hindi na kita kayang tignan. You're right, the pain is too much to take.

Thank you for all the love Kc and I'm sorry for giving you pain in return. Thank you for understanding me until the end. Thank you for letting me go. Maybe this is already the end of us. I never expect this to happen. But yeah, everything happens for a reason.

Yes, I'm getting married soon. Tulad mo, ayoko ring pagsisihan ang naging desisyon ko. I'll try my best to be a good husband to my future wife and be the best father also.

I know i have no right say this, but please be strong. You're the best girl. I know you'll get over this. Please remember, you’re worth it. Hindi ka nagkulang, ako ang sumobra. I loved you.

Chrstn

2021

Engineering

FEU