It was November 06, 2019 when we first talked. It was a night full of unsaid thought running on my mind when I decided to use Omegle. I met him through that site. We talked about our life happenings, hobbies, pets, and everything. Usually that site was full of rumors about "horny" "disrespectful" guys, but he proved it wrong.
So when I got comfortable, he gave his facebook account and I gave mine too. We talked there. We get to know each other more, it's unending convo, no worries to be disconnected.
Weeks passed, he's still consistent with chatting me, I like how he was really hands-on to me even though we're really apart from each other. He filled the gap I needed. He cared. He protected and loved me. And that's another reason why I took the risk to meet him personally.
Night before we met, I told him that our conversation is not normal for friendship, so I asked if he had plans to pursue me and guess what he said, yes. November 24, 2019 when it happened, at first I'm really uncomfy and shy yet as time passed by, he made me feel comfortable and we enjoyed things as if it's our last.
We get to know each other more personally, we ask each other some questions. We took some pictures. We ate together. We had really fun. The most memorable part is before we bid goodbye, he kissed me on my forehead and with that I felt so respected and loved.
The next coming days after we met, he didn't change. He's still consistent with his actions and words, actually medyo nag improve. He always ask how my day went, what I did in school and after telling him my everyday life happenings he would always tell me "I'm so proud of you, You did great today.” Felt so much emotions everyday with that statement, it never gets old. I love how he really missed me.
December 2019 came, he's still the same, he never changed. Bagyong Tisoy came, power was interrupted for a week, we never had communication everyday, but he always made sure I'm okay and felt loved. He always made a poem for me. He always update how his day went although I'm not replying because of power interruption and weak connection. But if I'm at the school where there is electricity and connection, I always find time to chat with him and make a lil' bit convo. He told me that bagyong tisoy made his patience long and I felt so special at that time.
After a week or so, I'm really confused with what I'm taking, and especially the 6 years age gap bothered me the most. I was 16 turning 17 while he was 22 that time. So after a day or two of evaluating the situations, I came up with the decision to let him stop pursuing me. I was young. I was confused. Nevertheless, it doesn't stop him.
He always chatted me, asked how my day went and all although I'm not replying (too bad). He's still consistent. He never changed.
Year 2020 came, I was still unsure yet my heart can't stop from talking to him. No malicious talking, I get cringe whenever he talks sweetly. We continue talking but not really the same before. Yet, he still cared, protected, and made me feel loved.
I repeat HE'S SO SERIOUS AND CONSISTENT!!!
Btw he always asks me for a weekly get away every weekend from december 2019 until March but I refused all the time. I always make excuses.
March 2020, lockdown happened, we talked a lot. He helped me in my online classes, in every way he can. He always updates me how his day went. I fell in love with him again, but still not really sure. Yet, we still continue talking.
ECQ and GCQ were lifted. He still never gets tired asking me to go out cause he misses me a lot daw. I always refused. I wasn't still sure. November 2020 we got really close again, we pissed each other a lot and made some chikas. He shared his future plan with me. He asks again if I can go out, I can but I don't want to yet.
Been a year of not seeing each other. Btw, he's really excited about my debut. December came, we talked but not everyday. I know he's really busy with his work. On the 21st day he asked me if I could meet him, yet I refused.
Although we're in the same city that time, its like I wasn't really sure to see him. We never had communication in the next coming days until new year came, he greeted me and I greeted him too.
Never expected that was our last convo.
My debut came, he knew it. I waited for him to greet me but nothing came So I just thought that he was busy. After my birthday, I've been missing him a lot, my friends knew how I really longed for him, they know how I'm really kilig and excited to see him because finally "I'm sure about me and him".
Weeks passed when I went to the city with my friends and omg! I don’t know if it's him but i'm so conscious and kilig because there's this one guy in the jeepney who looks really the same as him.
I told my friend that "uy wtf kasakay ko si ano". And when me and my two friends met at the mall I was really kilig telling them about him and how I was really longing for him, he never replied to my chats.
So when I got home, I texted him like "Uy ikaw ba nakita ko kanina? Sorry if ang snob ko, naconscious din kasi ako". Yet he never replied. I told my friend that I'm gonna call him the other day if he still doesn't reply.
Three minutes passed after telling my friend, I saw some post saying that he was gone. It never sinks on my mind kasi sabi ko nakita ko pa lang siya. It was his last burial day and I don’t know what to do. I cried and cried. I called my friend and told her everything. Good thing I have a one call away friend to join me to attend on his interment day.
I was still in denial, I still can't accept. Regrets are racing in my mind. It's one of the toughest situations in my life, days passed I still mourn for him. My day won't be complete if he doesn't cross on my mind.
Months passed before his 40th day, I finally knew that he had someone before he died. Felt so many emotions that day because I assumed I was his only love before he died. But I was wrong nevertheless that doesn't stop me from mourning, I know I had a big part of his life. He taught me so many lessons in life which I won't forget. He helped me back then in any ways he could. I owe him big time. He's a standard setter.
A letter to him:
My dear, I love and I miss you so much. I know you're happy up there, No pain. I felt relieved that you won't experience those pain in this cruel world. Thank you for still helping me to heal these wounds in my heart. You've had a big part in my life which I won't forget. You bring out the best in me. Forever still grateful for I still had the chance to know you tho it's just limited. Till we meet again!
M.K
2019
BSNursing
Unknown
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