THE VOW (PART 1)

Love, today is one of the most unexpected days that we have never imagined. Today will be (supposedly) one of the best days of our life.

But before I start, I want to look back on how it all started.

Its the usual story of two random strangers who met and became friends. We like to annoy each other, spend time laughing in our corny jokes, drink with our friends, share life problems and dilemmas, have everyday late night talks and think about our ideal future relationship.

Surprisingly, we were slowly and secretly falling for each other. Can you still remember our tropa’s joke during inuman “ligawan mo na kase”. But knowing me, ligaw is not for me. So I confessed. I confessed without expecting anything in return. I confessed because that’s how I feel. To my surprise, you also confessed that you were secretly inlove with me for a long time. And that’s when we became official.

Our relationship were smooth sailing at first. Then pandemic came, LDR happened. In your absence, I became too comfortable to them and you get jealous all the time.

One day you asked to break up with me and I cried and ask why.

You said “tigil na natin tong pagiging magjowa kase gusto na kita pakasalan”.

You always have that annoying way to surprise people.

Love, our relationship were not that like seen in the movies with too romantic and extravagant story, but it was something anchored in the strong foundation of friendship. We are contented with what we can offer and did not ask for something more. Despite the distance, we can still feel the love and care for each other.

With that, I want you to remember these promises for you:

I vow to constantly trust and choose you, to always love and forgive, to accept your flaws without regrets. I vow to always remind you to drive safe, to patiently wait for you to come home everyday and to cook your favorite food when you are tired from work. I vow to always listen on how did your day went, to be the one to say “tara shot?” when you feel stressed and to make you coffee the morning after when your hangover starts to kick in. I vow to be a good wife and a good mother to our future children, to be the light and guide of this future family and to cherish all of these until the last day of my life.

I can’t wait to say this vow to you at the church where you grew up. I can’t wait to walk in the aisle and stand in front of the altar with you. I love you so much; that in a million lifetime, I will always choose to be with you.

But for now, I want to choose myself. I needed time to think and fix myself. It’s been months since the tragedy but it just feels like yesterday, that tragedy that caused me forget the girl you’ve love for the longest time. I’m sorry love, but I can’t be with you anymore.

If I’ll be gone, I hope you will forgive everyone, including yourself. Y’all heal and accept everything; and when that time comes, I want you to love again. I want you to find someone to marry, to eat street foods with, to spend nights at home watching movies, to travel and see the world, to build a home outside the city and far from the crowd and to have twins that we’ve been wanting for so long. I want you to continue your life and fulfill our plans (turned to be only your plans because sadly, I had to leave).

My heart is full of shame, guilt, regret, and despair, and I don’t want you to see more of my suffering. I want you to be happy, love. Because that’s what you have taught me. Please know that I love you so much and it will always be you even in the next lifetime I’ll have.

Elisse

2015

Unknown

DLSU