My recent ex was the longest relationship i had, almost a year na sana kami nun when i decided to end it. Clichè as it may sound, pero walang nagloko or nanakit, i just fell out of love. Yes, kasalanan ko naman pero ayoko din magstay ng napipilitan nalang i still want the best for him kaya mas pinili ko pakawalan sya for him to find his better match. I'm also thinking if i really loved him or infatuation lang.
Ideal man ko naman sya, everything was perfect pero i have this character na bigla bigla nalang nagsasawa out of nowhere maybe i am sick? Never naging toxic relasyon namin, we actually build each other up. Malakas sense of humor nya kaya we never had a lame conversation. Lagi nya naman akong napapatawa and napapakilig since super sweet din nya. Never nya naparamdam saking kulang ako, sobra sobra pa nga. Legal din kame both sides. We actually planned our future na, 3 kids and sabay kaming magtatravel sa dream country namin. Not until napansin kong unti unti syang nawawalan ng time sa sarili nya, i mean parang masyado na syang tutok saken to the point na wala na syang pake sa itsura nya masyado syang nakampante na wala lang saken yun. Yes, looks are not really important pero admit it or not mas naiinlove tayo sa taong nag eeffort na maging attractive sa paningin natin.
May 3, 2017. My birthday comes but I never expect na sa araw na din to ako mapipilitang hiwalayan sya. A week before that day, cold na ako sa kanya. He badly want us to talk since nakakaramdam na din ata sya na may mali, he called me on my phone umiiyak but then I was speechless. That was the very first time na narinig kong umiyak sya, and it breaks my heart kay in-end ko yung call. I also saw him outside, pasilip silip sa labas pero never sya nag attempt na kumatok or pumasok kahit alam nyang welcome na welcome sya. He called several times but I refused to answer, ngayon ko lang narealized na napakasama ko sa kanya nun.
Fast forward, we became friends or best buddy pa nga. Nagkasabay sabay problema ko, family problem, financial, sa school, tas wala akong malapitang kaibigan haha. I almost had a depression but thank god he was there. Naglayas ako nun, tas sa kanila ako tumuloy. Almost a month ako sa kanila pero never kami nagkaron ng intimate contact puro hug lang, he respects me a lot. Halos sya na nagpaaral saken (ganon kakapal mukha ko), sya pa minsan gumagawa ng project ko. Sya nagluluto for our meal since tvl student sya. Ramdam ko kung gano ako kaimportante sa kanya and i know he wants me back pero never nya inopen saken yun. Akala ng mga common friends namin, we had comeback lol. He takes care of me that much, never nyang naparamdam saking ako lang to. But inspite of that, hindi bumalik feelings ko for him so I confronted him before ako umuwi samin. Umiyak na naman sya, he hugged me then sob on my shoulders. "I still want you, ikaw pa din, ikaw lang." Yun lang and then he faced me, i was shocked nung nakita kong tuloy tuloy luha nya, I was speechless. Before I go home, he kissed me on my forehead and then he says sa kanya din daw bagsak ko, dun lang ako natawa after our emotional convo.
So ayun 3 years na ang nakalipas and still we are connected online since nasa ibang town ako, kinakamusta nya ako from time to time and vice versa. He's still single until ready na daw ako bumalik sa kanya. I missed him, I missed being taken care of him. I'm entertaining suitors now pero wala akong nakitang kasing consistent nya. I was thinking, am I still worth it? Natatakot ako na pag bumalik ako sa kanya, may mabago. Na huli na ang lahat. Na marealize nyang he deserves better than me. Being an overthinker is not easy. (sorry kung medyo magulo huhu)
AteV
2020
BsCrim
Others
No comments:
Post a Comment