It's already 3 am and I decided to wrote this letter since I cannot sleep "as always". It started when pandemic happens, my sleep goes terribly unhealthy. It is almost 8 or 9 months but still I am badly looking for a way just to fix my body clock. I dunno why I am writing this one, maybe there's also someone like me na hirap na hirap din makatulog like you will sleep 6 am and wake up at 3 pm grabe nakakaiyak. Before kasi enjoy ko pa eh ang saya, pero palala na nang palala kasi dati tutulog ako 2 am then kaya ko pa gumising nang maaga but now, laging umaga na tulog ko, ni hindi ko na nasasabayan family ko sa pagkain.
Alam mo yon, patulog ka pa lang, sila may another blessing na dahil they woke up for another day. So I lose weight, eyebags is there, I lose my appetite. So here, I tried to research about it, the so called "Insomnia" that I am experiencing right now. It is a sleep disorder wherein you had trouble on falling asleep, and acute yung akin because I am experiencing this more than three months and it is toxic. Dahil long term na yung puyat ko, nababahala ako sa magiging effect neto sakin. So there are two types, mine is primary which means that my sleep problem is not linked to any other health condition or problem and the secondary, it has the connection between your health problems like asthma, depression, and everything. So me wala, hindi lang talaga ako makatulog and nasanay yung katawan ko sa ganitong sistema. Many times, I felt almost crying kasi pinipilit ko yung tulog ko. I am not stress, I dont have any problem about my relationship with others like fam, friends, bf (coz I dont have kasi wala na sya haha oops di ako sadgirl ha).
I can laugh, I am happy, Im good but the problem is later at night, I dont feel tiredness. I tried to stop drinking coffee, even use earphone and listen to music but ends up singing the song and rocking thou the song is calm, also kept away the phone to me, tried to install wattpad again because reading makes me fall asleep but then felt excited with the next chapter same thing with watching kdrama, I dunno what to do anymore, I even set an alarm but still I can't hear it or I just pretended not to hear dahil ang sarap ng pahinga ko. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba yung ganito, masaya ka naman sa buhay mo pero ayaw kang tamaan ng antok kapag gusto mo nang makaramdam ng pagod, ayun dun ka naman inaatake ng kahyperan. I told myself many times, also today that I will sleep early, not drink coffee and leave my phone away but here I am, done sipping my drink, using my phone and my problem is myself. I don't have enough discipline. Pero bebe, kung ikaw din nakakaramdam ng ganito? Gusto ko lang sabihin sayo na di ka nag iisa, at di rin ako nag iisa dahil andyan ka pero sana makatulog na tayo. I always pray to myself "Lord sana makatulog ako, pero yung magigising pa po ha?" I really said that always kasi I badly need rest but rest doesn't want me. Pray lang tayo, start our day with disipline kahit wala ako nun.
Someone always told me, mag pray ka, lights off and bitawan mo phone mo 2hrs before u sleep, same kami before but now, he's okay. Sana tayo rin guys. Darating din yung time na hindi na natin kailangang magpilit matulog na halos maiiyak kana, dahil mismong antok at pagod na yung dadalaw satin. Kung depression at stress man pinanggagalingan ng insomnia mo, I'll pray for u, na sana starting tonight makatulog ka na nang mahimbing hindi dahil sa kakaiyak at sakit ng mata kakaisip sa problemang nararanasan mo ngayon. Let's start taking care of ourselves, we can do it mahal tayo ng Diyos at kung ano mang pinag dadaanan mo, it will heal soon.
Madalas kasi ngayon na inaatake ng insomnia e yung mga taong may problemang mabibigat o karanasan, some problems on their work, modules and study probs, panliliit sa sarili, inatake ng insecurities, been bullied, or worst unappreciative sa sarili nya dahil feeling nya wala siyang purpose in life. Kung isa ka man dito bebe, I hope it will leave you soon, everything that bothers you will be fine, sana mapalitan na ng maayos at mahimbing na pahinga kasama ng tunay na kasiyahan ang nararamdaman mo. No more sleepless and painful nights.
Maswerte ako, dahil wala akong problemang iniisip kundi yung tulog ko lang at kung meron man, hindi naman ganito kabigat para damdamin. Rest is important pero wag yung RIP kaya magmula ngayon wag na natin pabayaan sarili natin.
For now, pikit mo mata mo and pray okay? Love yourself and be happy. At dahil pinapikit ko mata mo, pikit ko na din syempre haha ano kayo lang? Yun lang,bye for now, I need to sleep, sana kayo rin sleep tight 
Jmcute
BSBA
2019-2020
SJDEFI
No comments:
Post a Comment