Friday the 13th
"At dahil Friday the 13th ngayon, I just want to share my day.
May 13, 2005 I met this man at PUV. Nakita kong taga UST siya and same program kami. Bangag siya ng araw na yan, at mukhang may hang over. He fell asleep on my shoulder as we travel to UST. When we got there, nag sorry siya kasi hindi raw maganda pakiramdam niya. And even said ang malas talaga ngayon, friday the 13th eh. No biggie naman sa akin yun. I offered him a help na alalayan ko siya at sabay pumasok. Hindi ko na sinagot yung malas thingy na sinabi niya. As a return daw, mag lunch daw kami, his treat. We ate, talk about everything, and we exchanged numbers. We became friends, and oops by the way, he is 1 year higher than me.
Paskuhan 2006, we're together and just walking suddenly he grabbed something on his pocket. A folded paper with a writing on it. ""Can you be my forever?"" Aaminin ko, kinilig ako sobra and papatagalin ko pa ba, I answered yes.
Fast forward. We our happily married with 1 daughter.
August 13, 2010 he died on car accident.
As I fix his things on our room, I saw a letter from him. I will just tell the most important part. ""Darling, natatandaan mo pa ba noong sinabi kong malas ang Friday the 13th? Nagkamali ako, kasi noong araw na yun, dun kita nakilala at dun lahat nagsimula ang lahat. Sobrang swerte ko noon sayo. Mahal na mahal kita."" Mas umiyak pa ako dahil Friday the 13th din siya nawala sa buhay ko.
Darling, if you could read this, we know that you're with Him. You are our guardian angel. I love you so much.
"
Darling13
200*
College of Commerce and Business Administration
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Highschool Student meets College Student
"Pauwi na ko nun galing UST at dahil tiga San Juan ako kailangan kong dumaan sa Agora. Sumakay ako ng jeep na onti lang tao. Then nun tumagal na biglang nagring yung phone ng nasa harap ko na highschool student. Ewan ko pero napaeavesdrop na lang ako dun sa usapan nila haha. Ito yung sinabi niya
Siya: Hello ate?
Siya: Huh ate pauwi na po kasi ako
Siya: Ate kailangan mo na ba talaga?
Siya: Pero ate ang layo ng UST di ko din alam puntahan
Then that ring a bell. Tiga UST ate niya and kailangan niya atang puntahan. Tuloy parin ako sa pakikinig haha kalalaking tao ko pa naman haha.
Siya: Ate baka kasi maligaw ako hindi ko talaga alam yung daan papuntang UST
Siya: Sige ate try ko na lang
Siya: Sige ate bye
Binaba niya na yung phone atsaka tumminin sa oras. Dun na ko naglakas ng loob na magoffer ng tulong sakanya dahil mukhang urgent yung dadalhin niya.
Ako: Ate narinig ko kasi yun usapan niyo and pwede kitang samahan papuntang UST kung gusto mo. *Smiles*
Pero tumingin siya sakin na parang Baka-Manyak-Ka-Ayoko-Sumama-Sayo look
Ako: Ay Haha nakalimutan kong sabihin sayo tiga UST din ako *sabay pakita ng ID*
At dahil mukhang ako na lang ang pag-asa niya hahahahaha
Siya: Okay lang po ba talaga?
Ako: Oo naman. Ano tara na? *Smiles*
Then nag nod siya and nagsmile. Kaya yun sinamahan ko na siya papuntang UST. Andami kong nalaman tungkol sakanya tulad ng tiga AMV pala ate niya and 3nd yr highschool siya. Sobrang daldal niya kaya di ako na awkwardan sakanya. Dun ko napansin na an ganda ng mata niya ta sang cute niya kase medyo chubby siya tas yung cheeks niya grabe feeling ko sobrang lambot haha. Tas nung bumaba na kami sa UST then nagstart na maglakad papuntang AMV para puntahan yung ate niya. Habang naglalakad kami and daming tumitingin siguro kasi college ako tas may kasamang highschool student but I don’t care. Nun nasa AMV building na kami nakita naming yung ate niya sa labas tas binigay na niya yung kailangan niyang ibigay. After nun trineat niya ko kumain una tumangi ako pero she insist at di ko din matanggihan kasi nakangiti siya kaya yun pumunta kami ng mcdo then usap nanaman haha nagpalitan din ng numbers. Nakalimutan ko na medyo late na rin kaya kailangan ko na ring umuwi tinanong ko siya kun sasabay siya sakin pero sabi niya hihintayin na lan niya yung ate niya. So paalis na ko then she hugged me and said thank you. Simula nun magkatext na kami araw araw. Inaaya ko rin siyang madate. Ngayon nagwowork na kami. She’s now an Architect and I’m an Engineer. Destiny nga talaga kami. We made a really healthy relationship syempre nandyan ang mga misunderstanding but we ended up sorry for our mistakes at the end of the day and realize our faults.
So that’s it people! The story on how I met my wife and my forever.
She's now 7 months pregnant! And I can wait to see my son."
Inlove Forever
1601
Faculty of Engineering
Siya: Hello ate?
Siya: Huh ate pauwi na po kasi ako
Siya: Ate kailangan mo na ba talaga?
Siya: Pero ate ang layo ng UST di ko din alam puntahan
Then that ring a bell. Tiga UST ate niya and kailangan niya atang puntahan. Tuloy parin ako sa pakikinig haha kalalaking tao ko pa naman haha.
Siya: Ate baka kasi maligaw ako hindi ko talaga alam yung daan papuntang UST
Siya: Sige ate try ko na lang
Siya: Sige ate bye
Binaba niya na yung phone atsaka tumminin sa oras. Dun na ko naglakas ng loob na magoffer ng tulong sakanya dahil mukhang urgent yung dadalhin niya.
Ako: Ate narinig ko kasi yun usapan niyo and pwede kitang samahan papuntang UST kung gusto mo. *Smiles*
Pero tumingin siya sakin na parang Baka-Manyak-Ka-Ayoko-Sumama-Sayo look
Ako: Ay Haha nakalimutan kong sabihin sayo tiga UST din ako *sabay pakita ng ID*
At dahil mukhang ako na lang ang pag-asa niya hahahahaha
Siya: Okay lang po ba talaga?
Ako: Oo naman. Ano tara na? *Smiles*
Then nag nod siya and nagsmile. Kaya yun sinamahan ko na siya papuntang UST. Andami kong nalaman tungkol sakanya tulad ng tiga AMV pala ate niya and 3nd yr highschool siya. Sobrang daldal niya kaya di ako na awkwardan sakanya. Dun ko napansin na an ganda ng mata niya ta sang cute niya kase medyo chubby siya tas yung cheeks niya grabe feeling ko sobrang lambot haha. Tas nung bumaba na kami sa UST then nagstart na maglakad papuntang AMV para puntahan yung ate niya. Habang naglalakad kami and daming tumitingin siguro kasi college ako tas may kasamang highschool student but I don’t care. Nun nasa AMV building na kami nakita naming yung ate niya sa labas tas binigay na niya yung kailangan niyang ibigay. After nun trineat niya ko kumain una tumangi ako pero she insist at di ko din matanggihan kasi nakangiti siya kaya yun pumunta kami ng mcdo then usap nanaman haha nagpalitan din ng numbers. Nakalimutan ko na medyo late na rin kaya kailangan ko na ring umuwi tinanong ko siya kun sasabay siya sakin pero sabi niya hihintayin na lan niya yung ate niya. So paalis na ko then she hugged me and said thank you. Simula nun magkatext na kami araw araw. Inaaya ko rin siyang madate. Ngayon nagwowork na kami. She’s now an Architect and I’m an Engineer. Destiny nga talaga kami. We made a really healthy relationship syempre nandyan ang mga misunderstanding but we ended up sorry for our mistakes at the end of the day and realize our faults.
So that’s it people! The story on how I met my wife and my forever.
She's now 7 months pregnant! And I can wait to see my son."
Inlove Forever
1601
Faculty of Engineering
Goodbye, My Hazel Grace
Goodbye, My Hazel Grace
"Last month, may nagpost dito na Nicki yung name(P.S. sino may link netong confession na to pa comment sa baba. thanks! -Admin)
, yung girl with a lung cancer. I'm Ralph, yung Ralph niya. I'm not a fan of the UST Files but one of my former blockmates read her post and he immediately forwarded me the link. Honestly, hindi ko alam yung gagawin ko nun. Kahit na di ko alam kung gusto pa din ako ng mom niya or hindi, pero I tried to message her on facebook to ask if I could visit Nicki. She said na ayaw ni Nicki na malaman ko, pero nalaman ko na eh, so she had no choice but to tell me their new address. After that, pumunta na ako kaagad. May 28, 10:30pm, sa pagkakaalala ko. Nakita ko na yung bahay around 1pm. Madilim, pero may isang room na may nakabukas na lampshade. Alam kong siya yun because she cannot sleep without her lampshade on. I sneaked inside, and kinatok ko yung window niya. Nagulat siya 'cause at first akala niya magnanakaw, but later on, narealize niya na ako yun, and then binaba niya yung curtains. What I did was, kumatok na ako sa gate, mom niya yung nagbukas and I told her that I really really need to talk to her daughter. Wala nang magandang time. Kapos na sa oras. I then went to her room and locked the door.
""Ayokong nakikita mo akong ganito, Ralph"" she whispered. She's still beautiful, but she's so pale, so weak. Naiyak na ako, sobra. ""Ba't mo tinago sakin? Tangina naman Nicki!"". Pero she smiled and said ""Galit ka nanaman. Pag nagagalit ka, nagwawalk-out ka sakin diba? Now's the right time. Sige na Ralph.""
""Hindi ako aalis. Dito lang ako.""
""Ralph, wala ka bang girlfriend? Sa pagkakaalam ko kasi meron na. Wala na ba kayo?""
""Iniwan mo ako na walang dahilan. Nawala ka nalang bigla. Pagkatapos nating gumraduate hindi ko alam kung san ka na napadpad. You blocked me sa facebook, later on nagdeactivate ka na. Lumipat kayo ng bahay, hindi na kita macontact sa phone. Pilit kitang kinalimutan kasi sobrang nasaktan ako. Sabi ng mga tao na magmove on na daw. Pero kahit sumubok ako na humanap ng iba, wala Nicki. Miserable padin ako. Nagkandaleche leche yung buhay ko, Nicki!""
""Sorry, Ralph. Di ko sinasadya""
Umiiyak siya. Umiiyak din ako. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko, nanginginig ako..sa galit, sa lungkot, pero niyakap ko siya. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit.
""Hindi na ako magtatagal, Ralph. Alam ko na yun""
""Hindi ako aalis sa tabi mo. Dito lang ako. Promise,""
""Sorry Ralph, hindi ko mappromise na makakatagal pa ako""
I went to her bed, tinabihan ko siya at kinantahan ko siya hanggang sa makatulog siya. Buong gabi akong di natulog, I always check on her, at sa bawat hinga niya nagpapasalamat ako dahil alam kong kasama ko parin siya.
Gumawa kami ng bucketlist ng mga gusto niyang gawin:
1. Kumain ng korean ice cream
2. Gumawa ng loombands
3. Bumisita sa ust
4. Manood ng tfios
5. Magmovie marathon sa room niya
6. Magbake ng cake together
May 30, nagawa namin yung #1. May 31, yung loombands na umabot hanggang June 2 kasi natuwa siya. June 3, we visited ust. June 6, we watched tfios, June 7, I went to their house and we watched 50 first dates, Clueless and Got to Believe (yung kay Rico Yan) and then in the middle of Got to Believe, she said, ""Babe, sleep lang ako. Paggising ko, bake tayo ha. So I waited..and waited and waited na magising siya.
Pero hindi na siya nagising.
Gusto kong magwala, sumigaw pero hindi niya ikakabuhay yun eh. Pero at last, hindi na siya nahihirapan. Hindi na siya nasasaktan. Nakakahinga na siya ng maayos. Wala na siyang sakit.
Bumalik ako sakanila para ayusin yung room niya nung dinala siya sa hospital. I went to the kitchen to drink water. Meron sa cupboard na box ng flour..may post-it note and nakalagay,
""I love you forever. My last days would probably be the best, kasi kasama kita. -N"""
Ralph
2006
Faculty of Engineering
"Last month, may nagpost dito na Nicki yung name(P.S. sino may link netong confession na to pa comment sa baba. thanks! -Admin)
, yung girl with a lung cancer. I'm Ralph, yung Ralph niya. I'm not a fan of the UST Files but one of my former blockmates read her post and he immediately forwarded me the link. Honestly, hindi ko alam yung gagawin ko nun. Kahit na di ko alam kung gusto pa din ako ng mom niya or hindi, pero I tried to message her on facebook to ask if I could visit Nicki. She said na ayaw ni Nicki na malaman ko, pero nalaman ko na eh, so she had no choice but to tell me their new address. After that, pumunta na ako kaagad. May 28, 10:30pm, sa pagkakaalala ko. Nakita ko na yung bahay around 1pm. Madilim, pero may isang room na may nakabukas na lampshade. Alam kong siya yun because she cannot sleep without her lampshade on. I sneaked inside, and kinatok ko yung window niya. Nagulat siya 'cause at first akala niya magnanakaw, but later on, narealize niya na ako yun, and then binaba niya yung curtains. What I did was, kumatok na ako sa gate, mom niya yung nagbukas and I told her that I really really need to talk to her daughter. Wala nang magandang time. Kapos na sa oras. I then went to her room and locked the door.
""Ayokong nakikita mo akong ganito, Ralph"" she whispered. She's still beautiful, but she's so pale, so weak. Naiyak na ako, sobra. ""Ba't mo tinago sakin? Tangina naman Nicki!"". Pero she smiled and said ""Galit ka nanaman. Pag nagagalit ka, nagwawalk-out ka sakin diba? Now's the right time. Sige na Ralph.""
""Hindi ako aalis. Dito lang ako.""
""Ralph, wala ka bang girlfriend? Sa pagkakaalam ko kasi meron na. Wala na ba kayo?""
""Iniwan mo ako na walang dahilan. Nawala ka nalang bigla. Pagkatapos nating gumraduate hindi ko alam kung san ka na napadpad. You blocked me sa facebook, later on nagdeactivate ka na. Lumipat kayo ng bahay, hindi na kita macontact sa phone. Pilit kitang kinalimutan kasi sobrang nasaktan ako. Sabi ng mga tao na magmove on na daw. Pero kahit sumubok ako na humanap ng iba, wala Nicki. Miserable padin ako. Nagkandaleche leche yung buhay ko, Nicki!""
""Sorry, Ralph. Di ko sinasadya""
Umiiyak siya. Umiiyak din ako. Hindi ko alam gagawin ko, nanginginig ako..sa galit, sa lungkot, pero niyakap ko siya. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit.
""Hindi na ako magtatagal, Ralph. Alam ko na yun""
""Hindi ako aalis sa tabi mo. Dito lang ako. Promise,""
""Sorry Ralph, hindi ko mappromise na makakatagal pa ako""
I went to her bed, tinabihan ko siya at kinantahan ko siya hanggang sa makatulog siya. Buong gabi akong di natulog, I always check on her, at sa bawat hinga niya nagpapasalamat ako dahil alam kong kasama ko parin siya.
Gumawa kami ng bucketlist ng mga gusto niyang gawin:
1. Kumain ng korean ice cream
2. Gumawa ng loombands
3. Bumisita sa ust
4. Manood ng tfios
5. Magmovie marathon sa room niya
6. Magbake ng cake together
May 30, nagawa namin yung #1. May 31, yung loombands na umabot hanggang June 2 kasi natuwa siya. June 3, we visited ust. June 6, we watched tfios, June 7, I went to their house and we watched 50 first dates, Clueless and Got to Believe (yung kay Rico Yan) and then in the middle of Got to Believe, she said, ""Babe, sleep lang ako. Paggising ko, bake tayo ha. So I waited..and waited and waited na magising siya.
Pero hindi na siya nagising.
Gusto kong magwala, sumigaw pero hindi niya ikakabuhay yun eh. Pero at last, hindi na siya nahihirapan. Hindi na siya nasasaktan. Nakakahinga na siya ng maayos. Wala na siyang sakit.
Bumalik ako sakanila para ayusin yung room niya nung dinala siya sa hospital. I went to the kitchen to drink water. Meron sa cupboard na box ng flour..may post-it note and nakalagay,
""I love you forever. My last days would probably be the best, kasi kasama kita. -N"""
Ralph
2006
Faculty of Engineering
Ang Kamalian Sa Ating Mga Bituin
"May kaklase kaming aminadong bobo sya sa English. Itago nalang natin siya sa pangalang
Mr. Agostos Tubigs. Lahat ng quizzes, seatworks, assignments at pati midterm exam niya sa English 1 namin ay mababa. So, kelangan niyang bumawi sa final exam para hindi siya bumagsak. Oh edi ito na nga, finals na. At sabi ng prof namin na ang gagawin niya ay recitation type exam tungkol sa mga figure of speech. Lahat kami kabado na at ang gago pachill-chill lang. Tapos nagsimula ng mag tawag yung prof namin...
Prof: Mr. Villaluis
Mr. Villaluis: Yes Ma'am?
Prof: Give me an example of Hyperbole?
Mr. Villaluis: This is the easiest test in the world.
Prof: Okay. You can now sit down. Next! Mr. Tubigs!
Lahat kami kinabahan at tumingin sa kanya. Walang bahid ng
pangamba ang loko.
Prof: Okay, Mr. Tubigs, give me an example of a metaphor.
Mr. Tubigs: *Napasmirk sabay labas ng isang kahang Marlboro Lights.
Kumuha ng isa at nilagay sa bibig*
Us: *jawdrops*
Prof: What are you doing Mr. Tubigs? Do you know that smoking is prohibited
here in our school? Gusto mo bang makick-out?
Mr. Tubigs: It's a metaphor Ma'am, you see: You put the killing thing right
between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.
AT LAHAT KAMI AY MALUHA-LUHANG PUMALAKPAK SAKANYA.
PS: NALAMAN-LAMAN NALANG NAMIN NA SIYA LANG ANG NAKA UNO SA
ENGLISH 1 NAMIN AT LAHAT KAMI TRES. HUEHUE. </3 :(("
Juan Berde
2013
Not from UST
Mr. Agostos Tubigs. Lahat ng quizzes, seatworks, assignments at pati midterm exam niya sa English 1 namin ay mababa. So, kelangan niyang bumawi sa final exam para hindi siya bumagsak. Oh edi ito na nga, finals na. At sabi ng prof namin na ang gagawin niya ay recitation type exam tungkol sa mga figure of speech. Lahat kami kabado na at ang gago pachill-chill lang. Tapos nagsimula ng mag tawag yung prof namin...
Prof: Mr. Villaluis
Mr. Villaluis: Yes Ma'am?
Prof: Give me an example of Hyperbole?
Mr. Villaluis: This is the easiest test in the world.
Prof: Okay. You can now sit down. Next! Mr. Tubigs!
Lahat kami kinabahan at tumingin sa kanya. Walang bahid ng
pangamba ang loko.
Prof: Okay, Mr. Tubigs, give me an example of a metaphor.
Mr. Tubigs: *Napasmirk sabay labas ng isang kahang Marlboro Lights.
Kumuha ng isa at nilagay sa bibig*
Us: *jawdrops*
Prof: What are you doing Mr. Tubigs? Do you know that smoking is prohibited
here in our school? Gusto mo bang makick-out?
Mr. Tubigs: It's a metaphor Ma'am, you see: You put the killing thing right
between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.
AT LAHAT KAMI AY MALUHA-LUHANG PUMALAKPAK SAKANYA.
PS: NALAMAN-LAMAN NALANG NAMIN NA SIYA LANG ANG NAKA UNO SA
ENGLISH 1 NAMIN AT LAHAT KAMI TRES. HUEHUE. </3 :(("
Juan Berde
2013
Not from UST
Lei
Lei
2011
College of Nursing
"I first had a boyfriend when I was 14. I wasn't rushing into love, I tell you. I didn't ask for it to happen but unexpectedly, it was there. Hindi na ako nanlaban o humindi. Tama nga sila (the elders), kapag tinamaan ka na ng lintik, wala ka nang palag. The relationship went on for 1 and half year. It was one hell of a painfully crazy rollercoaster ride. I risked everything in order to sustain whatever I had during that time. I risked my parents' trust, the joy of closely watching my little siblings' childhood, the company of good friends, the salutatorian title, the chance to study in a prestigious university abroad and I ended up losing it all. Sobrang dami nang investments ko sa relasyon na 'yon pero hindi nagwork out kasi puro ako lang ang namuhunan. One-sided pero hindi naman siguro all the time. He loved me and he did an awful lot of things to remind me that but it wasn't enough.
The thing here is, it ended because he cheated on me. He was away for quite some time. Akala ko faithful because that was what he claimed he was. I trusted him. Nalaman ko na lang na may iba siyang girlfriend and nabuntis pala niya 'yong babae. He said, mas mahal niya ako but I let him go, anyway. Hindi sapat ang salita lang.
I've been single for four years now. Masasabi kong naging okay naman na ako pero hindi ko maipagkakailang my past fucked up my present self. I was haunted by that relationship na feeling ko I won't be able to find another guy who will love me truly. Hindi na ako naniniwala sa konsepto ng pag-ibig. Uso pa ba 'yon ngayon? I became cold and bitter. I didn't curse love, though. I didn't close any doors.
That's why when I met Andrew (not his real name) through my best friend, okay lang sa akin. This guy and I became good friends. Inseparable, even. Sweet siya, good listener and tinutulungan niya ako in my Math subjects. Kahit ilang oras ang pagitan ng break at dismissal namin, lagi pa rin niya akong hinihintay. Lagi pa kaming nagkakatext; sa umaga pagkagising hanggang sa gabi bago matulog. Minsan, we would sing each other to sleep. Nakagawian na namin ang gano'n. Inihahatid-sundo niya ako (he's from QC and I'm from Makati kaya mej nalunod ako sa effort niya). Sinubukan kong hindi lagyan ng malisya ang lahat kasi sabi ko, gusto ko rin ng guy best friend baka siya na nga 'yon until one day, umamin siya na mahal niya daw ako. He befriended me kasi he wanted to get to know me. Noong una niya daw akong makita, he was captivated and from that moment, he knew who he wanted to be with for the rest of his life: me.
It changed things for me. No matter how his confession made me feel special, I decided to distance myself from him. Iniwasan ko na siya. Hindi ko na siya pinansin. I have this rule kasi na kapag tropa, tropa lang talaga. I even flirted with other boys para pagselosin siya, para itaboy siya palayo but he didn't budge. Instead, he stayed. He became more patient. Araw-araw niyang pinatunayan na hindi siya tulad ng iba. He wooed me. He wanted me back, he said. Kahit friends lang daw. Sinusungitan ko siya but I still accepted his letters (I read all of them by heart) and the roses (I kept them in between pages of my favorite books). FIRST TIME KONG MAKATANGGAP NG LOVE LETTERS AND FLOWERS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!! I WAS FLOORED. HINDI KO NAMAN KAMUKHA SI MAMA MARY!!!! AKALA KO KASI MGA SANTA AT SANTO LANG ANG INAALAYAN NG MGA GANO'N GANO'N. Hindi ko naman maitatagong may nararamdaman din ako sa kanya, na kinikilig kilig ako kapag nandyan siya at kapag nag-eeffort siya para sa akin pero takot na akong masaktan. I've been fucked up and over before, hindi imposibleng mangyari 'yon ngayon. I got scared shitless and worse, naduwag ako. Noong 20th birthday ko, he wrote me a very long letter, gave me flowers and a book that I've been lusting on for months na hindi ko mabili bili dahil sa wala akong time para basahin 'yon. On the last page of that book, he attached a sticky note saying, ""I'm very thankful to the high heavens that I've come to know you. You are a sweet and caring soul. You have such a kind heart. I'm so lucky to have you in my life. For now, this is goodbye."" His words saddened me pero I didn't dare ask kung saan siya pupunta or kung ano bang mangyayari sa amin. I simply let it pass pero mahal ko na siya. His absence didn't change the fact that I loved him.
He transferred to another school. Nawala siya for a while but out of nowhere, he reappeared. This time, he was even more sure of his feelings for me. To make the long story short, I gave him a chance. Sabi ko, bahala na masaktan kasi lahat naman nasasaktan sa pag-ibig. Kung masaktan man ako, worth it. Pinakilala ko pa siya sa parents ko (kung dati, hindi sila cool na may lalaki sa buhay ko; ngayon, okay na sa kanila). He had my friends' approval, too. Grand gestures here and there, assurances here and there. Masaya kami. Sobrang saya. He never failed to surprise me everyday, to make me happy. Nakaalign na ang lahat no'n. Pati na siguro mga bituin sa langit, mga planeta sa kalawakan. Aahhhh, shocks, 'pag in love nga naman. Everything was perfect ('yong bf-gf label na lang 'yong kulang) until...
Late last year, two nights before siya magpropose sa 'kin (nalaman ko because my friends told me na they've been planning with him for weeks kung paano nila gagawin, kung paano nila ako isusurprise), HE DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. That night, tama siguro na I felt extra clingy sa kanya. Hindi ko alam na 'yon na pala 'yong huling time na masasabihan ko siya ng ""I love you"", na mayayakap ko siya ng mahigpit, na maamoy 'yong pabango niya, na mahahawakan ko 'yong kamay niya, na maririnig ko 'yong boses niya. Hindi ko alam. Wala akong kamalay-malay. In a snap, it happened. Nawala na lang bigla 'yong lalaking pinakamamahal ko. I can't explain how painful it was to sit on my bed at 3AM with my parents who didn't know which to do first: hug me or leave me alone to cry. I was shocked by the news (sino bang hindi?). My ears rang from listening to his mom's muffled voice and sobbing on the phone. My eyes hurt from too much crying. Una kong naisip, if only I could turn back time... Sana sinulit ko 'yong oras na nandito pa siya. Sana hindi ako natakot. Sana hindi ako naduwag. Pero gano'n talaga 'no, nasa huli ang pagsisisi.
To you, my angel, I love you! I find peace knowing that I once made you happy (Your family told me so. Halos 3 years mo na daw pala akong kwinikwento sa kanila. Hindi mo lang ako magawang lapitan dati dahil ang sungit sungit ko.) Dapat ako ang magpasalamat ng todo sa high heavens 'cos I've come to know you. Thank you for loving me even just for a short forever!
smile emoticon
To the readers, pahalagahan n'yo 'yong mga taong mahal n'yo baka sooner or later, mawala siya tapos hindi n'yo pa nasasabing mahal n'yo sila or hindi n'yo nagagawang patunayan na mahal n'yo nga sila. Treasure them. And also, baka nasa tabi tabi lang 'yong mga taong nagmamahal pala sa inyo ng tunay, hinihintay lang ang tamang chance. Be patient.
"
2011
College of Nursing
"I first had a boyfriend when I was 14. I wasn't rushing into love, I tell you. I didn't ask for it to happen but unexpectedly, it was there. Hindi na ako nanlaban o humindi. Tama nga sila (the elders), kapag tinamaan ka na ng lintik, wala ka nang palag. The relationship went on for 1 and half year. It was one hell of a painfully crazy rollercoaster ride. I risked everything in order to sustain whatever I had during that time. I risked my parents' trust, the joy of closely watching my little siblings' childhood, the company of good friends, the salutatorian title, the chance to study in a prestigious university abroad and I ended up losing it all. Sobrang dami nang investments ko sa relasyon na 'yon pero hindi nagwork out kasi puro ako lang ang namuhunan. One-sided pero hindi naman siguro all the time. He loved me and he did an awful lot of things to remind me that but it wasn't enough.
The thing here is, it ended because he cheated on me. He was away for quite some time. Akala ko faithful because that was what he claimed he was. I trusted him. Nalaman ko na lang na may iba siyang girlfriend and nabuntis pala niya 'yong babae. He said, mas mahal niya ako but I let him go, anyway. Hindi sapat ang salita lang.
I've been single for four years now. Masasabi kong naging okay naman na ako pero hindi ko maipagkakailang my past fucked up my present self. I was haunted by that relationship na feeling ko I won't be able to find another guy who will love me truly. Hindi na ako naniniwala sa konsepto ng pag-ibig. Uso pa ba 'yon ngayon? I became cold and bitter. I didn't curse love, though. I didn't close any doors.
That's why when I met Andrew (not his real name) through my best friend, okay lang sa akin. This guy and I became good friends. Inseparable, even. Sweet siya, good listener and tinutulungan niya ako in my Math subjects. Kahit ilang oras ang pagitan ng break at dismissal namin, lagi pa rin niya akong hinihintay. Lagi pa kaming nagkakatext; sa umaga pagkagising hanggang sa gabi bago matulog. Minsan, we would sing each other to sleep. Nakagawian na namin ang gano'n. Inihahatid-sundo niya ako (he's from QC and I'm from Makati kaya mej nalunod ako sa effort niya). Sinubukan kong hindi lagyan ng malisya ang lahat kasi sabi ko, gusto ko rin ng guy best friend baka siya na nga 'yon until one day, umamin siya na mahal niya daw ako. He befriended me kasi he wanted to get to know me. Noong una niya daw akong makita, he was captivated and from that moment, he knew who he wanted to be with for the rest of his life: me.
It changed things for me. No matter how his confession made me feel special, I decided to distance myself from him. Iniwasan ko na siya. Hindi ko na siya pinansin. I have this rule kasi na kapag tropa, tropa lang talaga. I even flirted with other boys para pagselosin siya, para itaboy siya palayo but he didn't budge. Instead, he stayed. He became more patient. Araw-araw niyang pinatunayan na hindi siya tulad ng iba. He wooed me. He wanted me back, he said. Kahit friends lang daw. Sinusungitan ko siya but I still accepted his letters (I read all of them by heart) and the roses (I kept them in between pages of my favorite books). FIRST TIME KONG MAKATANGGAP NG LOVE LETTERS AND FLOWERS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!! I WAS FLOORED. HINDI KO NAMAN KAMUKHA SI MAMA MARY!!!! AKALA KO KASI MGA SANTA AT SANTO LANG ANG INAALAYAN NG MGA GANO'N GANO'N. Hindi ko naman maitatagong may nararamdaman din ako sa kanya, na kinikilig kilig ako kapag nandyan siya at kapag nag-eeffort siya para sa akin pero takot na akong masaktan. I've been fucked up and over before, hindi imposibleng mangyari 'yon ngayon. I got scared shitless and worse, naduwag ako. Noong 20th birthday ko, he wrote me a very long letter, gave me flowers and a book that I've been lusting on for months na hindi ko mabili bili dahil sa wala akong time para basahin 'yon. On the last page of that book, he attached a sticky note saying, ""I'm very thankful to the high heavens that I've come to know you. You are a sweet and caring soul. You have such a kind heart. I'm so lucky to have you in my life. For now, this is goodbye."" His words saddened me pero I didn't dare ask kung saan siya pupunta or kung ano bang mangyayari sa amin. I simply let it pass pero mahal ko na siya. His absence didn't change the fact that I loved him.
He transferred to another school. Nawala siya for a while but out of nowhere, he reappeared. This time, he was even more sure of his feelings for me. To make the long story short, I gave him a chance. Sabi ko, bahala na masaktan kasi lahat naman nasasaktan sa pag-ibig. Kung masaktan man ako, worth it. Pinakilala ko pa siya sa parents ko (kung dati, hindi sila cool na may lalaki sa buhay ko; ngayon, okay na sa kanila). He had my friends' approval, too. Grand gestures here and there, assurances here and there. Masaya kami. Sobrang saya. He never failed to surprise me everyday, to make me happy. Nakaalign na ang lahat no'n. Pati na siguro mga bituin sa langit, mga planeta sa kalawakan. Aahhhh, shocks, 'pag in love nga naman. Everything was perfect ('yong bf-gf label na lang 'yong kulang) until...
Late last year, two nights before siya magpropose sa 'kin (nalaman ko because my friends told me na they've been planning with him for weeks kung paano nila gagawin, kung paano nila ako isusurprise), HE DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. That night, tama siguro na I felt extra clingy sa kanya. Hindi ko alam na 'yon na pala 'yong huling time na masasabihan ko siya ng ""I love you"", na mayayakap ko siya ng mahigpit, na maamoy 'yong pabango niya, na mahahawakan ko 'yong kamay niya, na maririnig ko 'yong boses niya. Hindi ko alam. Wala akong kamalay-malay. In a snap, it happened. Nawala na lang bigla 'yong lalaking pinakamamahal ko. I can't explain how painful it was to sit on my bed at 3AM with my parents who didn't know which to do first: hug me or leave me alone to cry. I was shocked by the news (sino bang hindi?). My ears rang from listening to his mom's muffled voice and sobbing on the phone. My eyes hurt from too much crying. Una kong naisip, if only I could turn back time... Sana sinulit ko 'yong oras na nandito pa siya. Sana hindi ako natakot. Sana hindi ako naduwag. Pero gano'n talaga 'no, nasa huli ang pagsisisi.
To you, my angel, I love you! I find peace knowing that I once made you happy (Your family told me so. Halos 3 years mo na daw pala akong kwinikwento sa kanila. Hindi mo lang ako magawang lapitan dati dahil ang sungit sungit ko.) Dapat ako ang magpasalamat ng todo sa high heavens 'cos I've come to know you. Thank you for loving me even just for a short forever!
smile emoticon
To the readers, pahalagahan n'yo 'yong mga taong mahal n'yo baka sooner or later, mawala siya tapos hindi n'yo pa nasasabing mahal n'yo sila or hindi n'yo nagagawang patunayan na mahal n'yo nga sila. Treasure them. And also, baka nasa tabi tabi lang 'yong mga taong nagmamahal pala sa inyo ng tunay, hinihintay lang ang tamang chance. Be patient.
"
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