LDR

"I once asked myself this question, is this long distance relationship with you worth it?"

I bet everyone who experienced and is experiencing this kind of relationship would agree with me that this kind of situation is not that easy.

There are times where you'll think of giving up. There are a lot of couples who already gave up because they can't handle this type of relationship.

Yes it's hard, very hard. Being far from the person you love is heartbreaking. There are days where you long for their presence, for their hug, for their touch, but they're not there and you can't do anything about it. Every day is a struggle of living your life without them near you.

There are days where misunderstandings will happen. You will argue, fight, and might hate each other, but unlike other normal couples, you can't just easily go to where that person is, then kiss and make up. No it's not that easy. All you can do is text or call them many times, but you can't do anything about it if they ignore your calls.

Other people would say that long distance relationship won't work. They would probably ask why would you wanna be with someone whose miles and miles away from you, when you can have someone near. Someone who you can see personally everyday. Someone who would wipe your tears when you cry, hug you when you're cold, take care of you when you're sick, make you feel loved, and would always be there for you physically every day.

I guess other people won't understand why. But for us, those who are in this type of relationship would know. We'd rather have that person that we love no matter how far they are, than have someone else who's near.

But I must admit, it get's tiring as months and years pass by. You'll get tired of waiting for the day when you'll see each other again, and when will this long distance end. You'll get tired of all the arguments and miscommunications. You'll feel like you want to give up. You'll ask your self, is this still worth it?

I was on that moment, asking myself if what is best for us, should we still continue this or should we just end it?

Then I remembered that night when I was standing there, waiting for you to come. After a few minutes, I saw you walking down the stairs, wearing your red polo shirt. I approach you, you saw me then hugged me, and kissed me in the forehead. That's when I realized that yes, this is all worth it. That all those days spent without you, those days where I cry myself to sleep cause I miss you, those lonely nights where I wish you're here with me, all those days of waiting is worth it when I finally get the chance to be with you.

I've realized while you're holding my hand when we were walking around, that your hands are the only hand I want to hold for the rest of my life. When you hugged me, I remembered how good it felt to finally be in your arms, and I know I'm not gonna feel that way with someone else. I know that those months of waiting is nothing compared to that three short days that we were together.

I admit that I'm not perfect, and I'm probably not the best girlfriend a guy can have. I commit mistakes, I'm childish and immature at times, I get angry at little random things, I create dramas at almost every thing. I have flaws, and attitudes that would piss you off. But one thing is for sure, I love you with everything that I have. I'm imperfect, but I'm trying to be the best version of who I am for you.

So as long as you're holding on, I will still hold on too with what we have. That no matter how hard and mess up this gets, I will never give up on us. I will never get tired of waiting for the day where I can finally say "LDR no more".

Em

2017

Unknown

MAN UP

To The Boy I Loved Back in College,

I could remember the way you smiled at me, the jokes you cracked in class, the way you smelled when you said you haven’t taken a bath for days because that’s what engineering students did.

I could feel your hand touching mine as we sang “The Lord’s Prayer” when you and I went to church on a sunday afternoon after I accompanied you on your Christmas shopping. I could even taste that buko pie from Laguna or Tagaytay that you bought for me on your way home from your field trip.

The random dates, oh! There were a lot. You would ask me out every time you were available, or should I say, every time you were in between relationships.

I, on the other hand, also had a couple of legitimate boyfriends over the years. But never ever in those ten years were you really out of my mind.

Back in college, I told myself that I would find you once I graduated and got a stable job. But my jobs were not stable for three years. I moved from one company to another, trying to search for where I would fit in. And when I finally found the job that I loved, you had a serious relationship with someone else. And worse, you moved to another continent.

We still kept our communication lines open. You still maintained your original mobile number because of its sentimental value, like you said. But even when you broke up with your serious girlfriend, you NEVER pursued me.

We confessed our feelings to each other explicitly and implicitly countless of times. I waited. I thought to myself that maybe, you were still enjoying your bachelorhood.

I waited for years.

Though we would go out whenever you were on vacation in Manila, you never said a word about our status. You would just text me whenever you felt like going out on a date. And I would just say “yes" every time… until I could say yes no more.

I am sorry for not having waited a little longer for something that would or would not come. I am sorry for not being aggressive enough or vocal enough to tell you how much you meant to me when it could have still made a difference. But I am just like other girls who prefer being loved and pursued to loving one-sidedly.

There’s nothing I can do now. I won’t wait for you anymore. I won’t hold you back from loving other women. I won’t ask for your attention anymore or your time or for even just a short reply to my messages.

I am letting you go.

You may own a piece of my heart forever, but I won’t let you own all of me anymore. Not because I stopped loving you. I still do. It’s just that I got tired waiting for you to man up... so I married another man — a man who loved me back like you never did.

Pekeng Haponesa

20**

BE

UP

I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU

Familiar ba kayo sa kanta na nauso ngayon sa tiktok na may lyrics na,

"I’ll never forget you.

They said we’d never make it.

My sweet joy.

Always remember meeeee …"

Dahil doon may naalala akong nangyari sa akin before mag-pandemic. Nasa may tapat ako ng SM MOA nun at naghihintay ng jeep pauwi. Punuan na yung jeep at medyo humahaba na rin ang pila. Kaya hindi talaga ako basta-basta makaalis sa pila. Dagdag na rin yung siksikan talaga dahil andaming pasahero.

Nung nakasakay na ako, karamihan sa mga nakasabay ko ay mga studyante. Sa kaliwa ko ay may nakaupong isang high school student ng Pasay East nakita ko sa id lace niya. While sa right side ko is a student from FEU based on his id lace too. I think he’s a college student na. Yung pormahan kase and yung bag na gamit niya ay hindi na pang-high school tsaka may dala siyang kulay blue na pahaba yung nilalagyan ng mga sketches ba tawag dun? Basta yung parang ginagamit yata ng mga engineering na sinasabit sa balikat.

Maputi siya, makinis, nakasalamin at halatang may kaya. May katangkaran din siya kase nakayuko na siya sa tabi ko. Napatitig ako sa kanya. Dahil maliit lang ako, parang nakadungaw tuloy siya sa akin. Imagine nasa jeep lang kami ha.

Nahuli niya akong nakatitig sa kanya, I mean nahuli ko rin naman siya nakatingin sa akin, basta nagkatitigan kaming dalawa. Kaya nagkahiyaan tuloy kami at parang nawala ako sa sarili ko pansamantala.

Hanggang sa hindi ko napansin, inaantay na pala nung taga-singil ng bayad yung pamasahe ko pero hindi ako nakapag-prepare dahil mas inuna ko pang makipagtitigan sa katabi ko.

Hiyang-hiyang ako dahil nakatingin din yung ibang pasahero sa akin. Syempre hindi naman yun aalis hangga’t hindi kumpleto. Nagmadali akong kunin yung wallet ko sa bag ko, and to my surprise kulang ng 2 pesos yung barya ko!!! May buo man, pero buong isang libo.

Panic mode na ako nun kase hindi naman pwedeng ibayad ang isang libo. Naghalungkat ako sa bag ko pero limang 25 cents lang ang nakita ko. Pinagsisihan ko tuloy na iniwan ko yung cents sa sukli ko kanina.

Ako nalang inaantay para makaalis na. Parang gusto ko na lang bumaba kase hiyang hiya na ako. Tapos tinitignan pa ako ni kuyang katabi ko kaya mas na-pressure ako.

Ilang ulit ko ng binilang yung barya ko, kulang talaga ng piso. Mukha akong tanga habang nagbibilang ng paulit-ulit, nagbabakasakali na madagdagan, p*nyeta!

Naiiyak na ko nun, tapos biglang nagsalita yung katabi ko,

"Magkano kulang?" parang natatawa pa niyang tanong.

"Piso lang …" malambing ko pang sabi doon kay kuya. Naiiyak na kase talaga ako sa hiya.

"Oh eto oh" sabay abot niya ng piso.

Nginitian ko lang siya pagkatapos nun tapos hindi na ko kumibo. Kunwari nalang natutulog ako sa byahe kase alam kong pinagtitinginan ako ng ibang pasahero.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahy doon na ako nanghihinayang kase hindi man lang ako nagsabi ng ‘thank you’ kay kuya poging katabi ko. Tapos naalala ko pa na sobra pa ng 25 cents yung binayad ko kay kuyang naniningil.

Shout out kay kuyang taga-FEU na nakasakay ko at ni-libre ako ng piso. I’ll never forget you!

CL

2019

SHS

ADMU

KILAY IS LIFE

Ganito kasi yun, nanunuod kami ng volleyball ng boyfriend tapos naghaharutan, tawanan pa kami nung una pero after ilang minutes habang nanunuod kami biglang wala na siyang kibo, tahimik na siya, hindi na niya ako pinapansin.

Tapos eh ako hindi ako sanay na ganun siya kaya ginaya ko na rin. Nawala na rin ako sa mood sa kinilos niya kaya hindi na rin ako kumibo at tahimik na lang ako sa tabi niya habang nanunuod kami. Pero after ng ilang minuto na hindi ako nagsasalita at napansin niya siguro yung pagkatahimik ko, bigla naman niya akong inakbayan at hinawakan kamay ko.

Dahil mataas pride ko tinatanggal ko yung kamay niya sa balikat ko. Kaya tinigil niyang umakbay sa akin. Alam na warla na this!

The whole game tahimik na kami parehas walang kibuan, walang pansinan. Kilala ko to, kung mataas pride ko mas mataas naman pride niya. Bahala siya!

Hanggang sa napagdesisyonan ko ng umuwi kahit hindi pa tapos yung game. Sinabi ko sa kanya na umuwi na kami in a cold way at hanep sumagot din siya in a cold way. Umuwi kami ng walang pansinan at hindi pa kami magkatabi sa jeep. Mga ma-pride talaga.

Hanggang sa sumakay na kami ng tricycle may batang lumapit tapos nanlimos, sinabi niya sa akin na bigyan ko raw yung bata kasi wala raw siyang barya. Kaso hindi ko siya pinansin kaya nakipag-agawan siya sa wallet ko at biglang,

NALAGLAG yung EYEBROW PENCIL mula sa wallet ko!!!

Too late na para pulutin yun kasi umandar na yung tricycle nang mabilis. Nakakahiya naman kung papahinto ko pa kasi may mga ibang pasahero pa bukod sa amin.

Wala na akong nagawa kundi titigan na lang yun. Doon talaga sobrang sama ng loob ko at napaiyak pa ako. Bes, eyebrow pencil ko yun na water proof! Nag-iisa lang yun sakin. I believe na "kilay is life!" OA na kung OA pero tumutulo talaga luha ko nun haha. Nakakahiya boset!

"Babe tahan na papalitan ko yun, wag ka ng umiyak jan" panunuyo niya.

"Waag na! di na kailangan!" padabog na sagot ko sa kanya.

Nung pababa na kami, sabi niya may bibilhin daw muna siya doon sa may maliit na mall sa amin. May pinapautos daw sa kanya. Sabi ko sa kanya bahala siya. Ano? Pag-aantayin pa ba niya ko. Masama pa nga loob ko eh.

Hinayaan ko siya, pero nagulat ko paglingon ko, pumasok talaga siya sa mall. Sir*ulo talaga!

Aalis na sana ko kaso wala eh, kahit masama loob ko, ayoko naman siyang iwan at uuwi akong mag-isa. Kaya ending hinintay ko pa rin siya. Karupukan!

Pagbalik niya bigla niyang kinuha yung bag ko at doon pinasok yung paper bag na binili niya then sabay sabi,

"Mamaya mo na sa bahay niyo buksan pag uwi mo at tignan yung laman” sabay ngiti.

Eh? Para pala sa akin lahat ng pinamili niya.

Tumango na lang ako bilang sagot kase nahiya ako sa inasta ko sa kanya. Hanggang sa malapit na kami pero siya yung mauunang bababa ng tricycle then nung pababa na siya, hinalikan nya ko sa cheeks then said,

“Sorry babe ah, mahal na mahal kita" huhu ang pusooo koo.

Binabaan ko na rin yung pride ko at nag-response sa kanya. We bid goodbye to each other. Pag-uwi ko binuksan ko yung paper bag and napangiti na lang ako sa nakita kong laman nun, naglalaman siya ng tatlong dark goya chocolates and panalitan niyo yung eyebrow pencil ko.

Naiiyak na naman tuloy ako.

Hindi man yun katulad ng pangkilay ko na nalaglag pero sa lahat ng naging pangkilay ko, yung binili nya yung pinaka-favorite ko. It’s very special to me at hanggang ngayon ginagamit ko pa rin siya. Tama naman yung color ng eyebrow pencil na pinili niya.

Kilala niya talaga ako. Alam niyang sumama talaga loob ko nung nalaglag pangkilay ko dahil kilay is life ako. Siya pa nga minsan nagkikilay sa akin para raw mas pantay. I am so blessed talaga na kahit nagkatampuhan kami mas pinili niya pa rin kaming magkaayos at the end of the day.

~~~

Alam niyo girls, hindi man lahat ng lalaki katulad sa boyfriend ko. Pero never ever settle for less. Yes, ma-attitude at ma-pride rin talaga sila minsan pero kung mahal ka niyan walang pride pride. Kung sa tingin mo hindi ka kayang i-handle ng boyfriend mo sa tuwing nagtatampo ka, then maybe it’s a red flag? Maniwala kayo sa akin, lahat ng lalaki alam kung paano manuyo. Nasa sa kaniya lang talaga yan kung gusto niyang manuyo o hindi.

Queen

20**

Unknown

RELATIONSHIT (SPG)

Hello admins, I'm not expecting na mapo-post to pero gusto ko lang maglabas ng sama at bigat ng loob ko.

Two years graduate na ako at hindi pa po ako nakakapagsimulang mag-ipon para sa mga pangarap ko. Sobrang dami ng problema since nagkaroon ng pandemic. Lovelife. Family Problem. Financial. Health problem. Sobrang sakit sa ulo lalo na kapag nagsasabay-sabay sila. Pero pinakaproblema ko is my lovelife.

May boyfriend ako, four years na kami. Sa four years na yun may nangyari na sa amin. Okay naman flow ng relationship namin not until na diagnosed ako na may cyst ako sa ovary.

Nire-remind ko yung boyfriend ko na hangga't maaari wala munang mangyari sa amin. Pero everytime na tina-topic ko sa kanya yun, nag-aaway kami, hindi niya ko maintindihang ayoko munang gawin yun kasi baka ma-trigger lalo cyst ko.

Everytime na magkasama kami nagagalit siya kapag hindi ko siya pinagbigyan.

Ilang beses na rin kami nag-break, mababaw na dahilan, minsan nagkakasakitan na, nagmumurahan pa. Sa kanya umiikot mundo ko dahil na rin sa tagal namin. Mas pinili ko siya kesa sa mga kaibigan ko. Kaya pag may away kami hirap ako mag-open kung kanino.

Sinasabi niya mahal niya ako. May mga pangarap naman siya sa akin. Pero nakakalimutan niya yun kapag nag-aaway kami.

Kapag mag-aaway kami lagi niya ko sinisisi na kasalanan ko, ako lagi may mali. Hindi niya nakikita mali niya. Pagtatawanan niya lang ako kapag nagkabati kami kase iyakin daw ako, habol daw ako ng habol.

Sabi pa niya ako lang naman daw naghahabol sa relationship namin. Matagal na daw tong wala kung hindi ako naghahabol. Hindi naman daw niya habol katawan ko, kasi mas marami pa raw mas sexy at mas maganda sakin (which is totoo naman). Kaya nga raw niya akong palitan ng ibang babae kung gugustuhin niya lang daw.

Hirap bitawan lalo na ilang taon na kami, siya kasama ko sa lahat ng achievements ko. Lahat ng memories hirap kalimutan. Sa tingin mo/niyo itutuloy pa ba o susuko na? Paano? Kung itutuloy ko naman, paano ko ipaintindi sa kanya na sana wala munang mangyari sa amin? Hindi ko na alam kung anong klaseng approach ang gagawin ko sa kanya.

Bhabiee

2019

Unknown