iKON

Taong 2017 noong naghiwalay kami ng boyfriend ko dahil ang sabi nya na-fall out of love na sya sakin. Sobrang sakit dahil wala akong maisip na ginawa ko para makapagpabago ng nararamdaman niya at wala din siyang maibigay na rason kung bakit isang araw pag gising niya hindi niya na ako mahal. Dahil mahal ko siya nagmakaawa akong wag iwan. Itinaboy niya ako kahit naging nakakatawa na ako sa paningin ng iba.

Pero isang araw habang hinihintay kita palabas sa trabaho mo nakita kitang may ka-holding hands na ibang babae, dumaan kayo sa harap ko at ni sulyap ay hindi mo binigay sakin kahit alam mong nanduon ako. Para akong mamamatay sa sakit dahil akala ko ako ang may mali pero may iba ka lang pala, pinagmukha mo pa akong tanga. Napagdesisyunan ko na hinding hindi mo na ko makikitang muli.

Noong panahong sobrang broken ako, halos gabi-gabi akong umiiyak at gusto ko nalang maglaho pero nakilala ko ang K-pop.

Saktong nagcomeback ang Blackpink at sila ang pinagkaabalahan ko hanggang sa nakuha na nila ang buong atensyon ko dagdagan pa ng iKON, Got7 at EXO. Masasabi kong na-heal nila ang puso ko at sila ang nagpasaya sakin nung mga panahong lugmok na lugmok ako.

Naranasan ko umattend ng concerts at mangolekta ng merch bilang distraction sa puso kong sugatan haha!

Nagconcert ang iKON at isa ako sa maswerteng nakaabot nung panahong kumpleto pa sila at dito ko rin nakilala si Carl. Lowerbox A ang ticket na kinuha ko at may katabi akong lalaki na may kasamang batang babae na nasa 12 y/o, actually mukhang hindi siya masaya, opposite sa pinapakita ng kasama niyang bata. Syempre ako rin masaya. Tawa pa ako ng tawa kahit wala namang nakakatawa dahil sobrang excited ako.

"Matagal ka ng fan?"

Bigla nya kong tinanong kalagitnaan ng concert, syempre nagulat ang lola niyo kasi bigla niya kong kinausap kahit hindi naman kami close.

Tapos syempre sabi ko bago lang then tinanong ko din sya kung ganun din ba sya, dun ko nalaman na napilitan lang sya samahan ang kapatid nya dahil nga minor pa at kaya pala mukha lang syang napilitan.

Buong concert kinakausap niya ko dahil daw parehas kaming nasa 20's at kami lang daw ang magkakaintindihan. Kahit gusto ko mag-focus sa concert hindi ko siya ma-ignore dahil nakakahiya naman mang isnob haha. Minsan tinutukso ko rin sya lalo na pagnacricringeyhan sya sa nakikita nya sa stage.

After ng concert hiningi nya ang number ko at syempre binigay ko naman. So ayun na nga, dun na magsimula na araw-araw nya akong kinakamusta sa text, naging friends na din kami sa FB. Hanggang sa umabot na kami sa point na lumalabas na kami para kumain, sinusundo nya na ako sa work at dun ko nalang narealize na nararamdaman ko na ulit ang saya na nawala sakin simula nung naghiwalay kami ng ex ko.

Sinagot ko sya at mag t-two years na kami this year, sobrang saya at smooth ng relasyon namin. Suportado nya ko sa lahat ng kabaliwan ko kahit harap harapan kong pinagnanasaan si Jackson, Jayb, Bobby, Jinhwan at Kai. Legal kami both sides ng family, close na rin kami ng sister nya lalo na't parehas kaming baliw sa kpop. Nagpaplan na din kami ng future namin dahil parehas na din kaming stable at handa na magsettle. Sobrang perfect na sana ika nga.

Last month, bumili ako sa isang coffee shop at unexpectedly nakasabay ko sa linya ang ex ko. Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko at pakiramdam ko lumulutang ako habang umiikot ang paligid. Hindi ko maexplain ang nararamdaman ko pero kumirot ang puso ko, nakita ko din ang gulat sa mukha nya dahil di nya din siguro ineexpect magkikita kami.

Niyaya nya ko umupo para magcatch up at eto naman ako dahil tameme pumayag nalang ako. Nag-usap kami at humingi sya ng tawad dahil alam nyang nasaktan nya ako years ago at pinagsisihan nya daw ang nangyari.

After nung encounter namin halos hindi na ako makatulog sa gabi, nasa isip ko nalang ang pag uusap namin at kelan ko lang napagtantong mahal ko pa rin sya.

Nasasaktan ako, nalilito, kasi mahal ko ang boyfriend ko at handa akong magpakasal sa kanya pero hindi ko kayang ibigay ang buong ako. Akala ko nakamove-on na ako pero sa isang pagkikita lang namin ng ex ko bumalik lahat ng sakit at feelings ko sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko deserve si Carl at hindi ko na rin alam ang gagawin ko.

Alice

2015

BSMT

EAC

WEDDING DAY

Hi. Title palang alam nyo na kung about saan ang confession ko...

Lahat naman siguro tayo nangangarap lumakad sa altar o maghintay habang naglalakad sa aisle ang babaeng pinakamamahal mo.

A few days from now, eto na yung araw na pinaka hihintay mo. I can't even wait to see how happy you are while waiting in front of the altar. Nai-imagine ko na kung gaano kabagay yung tuxedo sayo habang abot tenga yung ngiti mo at teary eyed ka pa.

Naiisip ko rin kung mabubulol ka ba sa wedding vows dahil alam kong mahiyain ka.

Naalala mo ba nung unang beses tayong pumunta sa Quiapo Church? July 18, 2019 yun diba? Nag lalakad tayo papasok sa simbahan tapos bigla mong sinabi na,

"Alam mo pangarap ko to, yung lumakad sa altar kasama ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko".

Ang saya saya ko non...

Same day may nangyari satin at doon nabuo ang baby natin. Maraming problema ang dumating pero kinaya ko.

Unfortunately we lost our baby.

Pero inisip ko na siguro di pa talaga sya para sa atin. Maraming nagtatanong kung ano daw nagustuhan ko sayo that time dahil simple ka lang habang ako may pagka maarte sa katawan at pananamit. You are even almost 10years older sa akin but I still choose you.

Fast forward. Eto na, ito na yung pangarap mo ilang tulog nalang matutupad na yung dream wedding mo.

Hindi na imagination lahat. I know you will be so much happy with her. Ikakasal ka na sa babaeng mahal mo.

I know simula't simula siya ang mahal mo. Sobrang mali yung nangyari sa atin noon to the point na hindi ko sinigurado na may legal ka palang girlfriend at may tampuhan lang kayo nung makilala mo ako.

Few months ago lang nung nagkausap tayo. Nagalit ka dahil nalaman ng girlfriend mo yung about satin but still you're lucky kasi sobrang mahal ka niya at tinanggap ka niya.

Nag-usap kami ng maayos at in-explain ko sa kanya yung nangyari. Pinakinggan niya yun at nag-sorry sa nangyari sakin. Sabi niya sana yun na yung last na pagkakamali mo dahil itutuloy niya yung pagpapakasal niya sayo kasi mahal na mahal ka niya.

She deserves all the happiness. She deserves love and faithfulness kaya sana hindi mo siya lokohin.

I'm happy for the both of you but don't worry I'm okay too. Focus muna ako sa family at career ko, to avoid doing may past mistakes again.

Yun lang dahil pinapalaya na kita, pinalaya ko na rin yung sarili ko from my conscience. Wala ng sakit, walang bitterness.

All I have now is genuine happiness. Thank you dahil naging parte ka ng leksyon sa buhay ko. For our baby, she will forever be our little angel.

C.E.

20**

Unknown

LDR

"I once asked myself this question, is this long distance relationship with you worth it?"

I bet everyone who experienced and is experiencing this kind of relationship would agree with me that this kind of situation is not that easy.

There are times where you'll think of giving up. There are a lot of couples who already gave up because they can't handle this type of relationship.

Yes it's hard, very hard. Being far from the person you love is heartbreaking. There are days where you long for their presence, for their hug, for their touch, but they're not there and you can't do anything about it. Every day is a struggle of living your life without them near you.

There are days where misunderstandings will happen. You will argue, fight, and might hate each other, but unlike other normal couples, you can't just easily go to where that person is, then kiss and make up. No it's not that easy. All you can do is text or call them many times, but you can't do anything about it if they ignore your calls.

Other people would say that long distance relationship won't work. They would probably ask why would you wanna be with someone whose miles and miles away from you, when you can have someone near. Someone who you can see personally everyday. Someone who would wipe your tears when you cry, hug you when you're cold, take care of you when you're sick, make you feel loved, and would always be there for you physically every day.

I guess other people won't understand why. But for us, those who are in this type of relationship would know. We'd rather have that person that we love no matter how far they are, than have someone else who's near.

But I must admit, it get's tiring as months and years pass by. You'll get tired of waiting for the day when you'll see each other again, and when will this long distance end. You'll get tired of all the arguments and miscommunications. You'll feel like you want to give up. You'll ask your self, is this still worth it?

I was on that moment, asking myself if what is best for us, should we still continue this or should we just end it?

Then I remembered that night when I was standing there, waiting for you to come. After a few minutes, I saw you walking down the stairs, wearing your red polo shirt. I approach you, you saw me then hugged me, and kissed me in the forehead. That's when I realized that yes, this is all worth it. That all those days spent without you, those days where I cry myself to sleep cause I miss you, those lonely nights where I wish you're here with me, all those days of waiting is worth it when I finally get the chance to be with you.

I've realized while you're holding my hand when we were walking around, that your hands are the only hand I want to hold for the rest of my life. When you hugged me, I remembered how good it felt to finally be in your arms, and I know I'm not gonna feel that way with someone else. I know that those months of waiting is nothing compared to that three short days that we were together.

I admit that I'm not perfect, and I'm probably not the best girlfriend a guy can have. I commit mistakes, I'm childish and immature at times, I get angry at little random things, I create dramas at almost every thing. I have flaws, and attitudes that would piss you off. But one thing is for sure, I love you with everything that I have. I'm imperfect, but I'm trying to be the best version of who I am for you.

So as long as you're holding on, I will still hold on too with what we have. That no matter how hard and mess up this gets, I will never give up on us. I will never get tired of waiting for the day where I can finally say "LDR no more".

Em

2017

Unknown

MAN UP

To The Boy I Loved Back in College,

I could remember the way you smiled at me, the jokes you cracked in class, the way you smelled when you said you haven’t taken a bath for days because that’s what engineering students did.

I could feel your hand touching mine as we sang “The Lord’s Prayer” when you and I went to church on a sunday afternoon after I accompanied you on your Christmas shopping. I could even taste that buko pie from Laguna or Tagaytay that you bought for me on your way home from your field trip.

The random dates, oh! There were a lot. You would ask me out every time you were available, or should I say, every time you were in between relationships.

I, on the other hand, also had a couple of legitimate boyfriends over the years. But never ever in those ten years were you really out of my mind.

Back in college, I told myself that I would find you once I graduated and got a stable job. But my jobs were not stable for three years. I moved from one company to another, trying to search for where I would fit in. And when I finally found the job that I loved, you had a serious relationship with someone else. And worse, you moved to another continent.

We still kept our communication lines open. You still maintained your original mobile number because of its sentimental value, like you said. But even when you broke up with your serious girlfriend, you NEVER pursued me.

We confessed our feelings to each other explicitly and implicitly countless of times. I waited. I thought to myself that maybe, you were still enjoying your bachelorhood.

I waited for years.

Though we would go out whenever you were on vacation in Manila, you never said a word about our status. You would just text me whenever you felt like going out on a date. And I would just say “yes" every time… until I could say yes no more.

I am sorry for not having waited a little longer for something that would or would not come. I am sorry for not being aggressive enough or vocal enough to tell you how much you meant to me when it could have still made a difference. But I am just like other girls who prefer being loved and pursued to loving one-sidedly.

There’s nothing I can do now. I won’t wait for you anymore. I won’t hold you back from loving other women. I won’t ask for your attention anymore or your time or for even just a short reply to my messages.

I am letting you go.

You may own a piece of my heart forever, but I won’t let you own all of me anymore. Not because I stopped loving you. I still do. It’s just that I got tired waiting for you to man up... so I married another man — a man who loved me back like you never did.

Pekeng Haponesa

20**

BE

UP

I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU

Familiar ba kayo sa kanta na nauso ngayon sa tiktok na may lyrics na,

"I’ll never forget you.

They said we’d never make it.

My sweet joy.

Always remember meeeee …"

Dahil doon may naalala akong nangyari sa akin before mag-pandemic. Nasa may tapat ako ng SM MOA nun at naghihintay ng jeep pauwi. Punuan na yung jeep at medyo humahaba na rin ang pila. Kaya hindi talaga ako basta-basta makaalis sa pila. Dagdag na rin yung siksikan talaga dahil andaming pasahero.

Nung nakasakay na ako, karamihan sa mga nakasabay ko ay mga studyante. Sa kaliwa ko ay may nakaupong isang high school student ng Pasay East nakita ko sa id lace niya. While sa right side ko is a student from FEU based on his id lace too. I think he’s a college student na. Yung pormahan kase and yung bag na gamit niya ay hindi na pang-high school tsaka may dala siyang kulay blue na pahaba yung nilalagyan ng mga sketches ba tawag dun? Basta yung parang ginagamit yata ng mga engineering na sinasabit sa balikat.

Maputi siya, makinis, nakasalamin at halatang may kaya. May katangkaran din siya kase nakayuko na siya sa tabi ko. Napatitig ako sa kanya. Dahil maliit lang ako, parang nakadungaw tuloy siya sa akin. Imagine nasa jeep lang kami ha.

Nahuli niya akong nakatitig sa kanya, I mean nahuli ko rin naman siya nakatingin sa akin, basta nagkatitigan kaming dalawa. Kaya nagkahiyaan tuloy kami at parang nawala ako sa sarili ko pansamantala.

Hanggang sa hindi ko napansin, inaantay na pala nung taga-singil ng bayad yung pamasahe ko pero hindi ako nakapag-prepare dahil mas inuna ko pang makipagtitigan sa katabi ko.

Hiyang-hiyang ako dahil nakatingin din yung ibang pasahero sa akin. Syempre hindi naman yun aalis hangga’t hindi kumpleto. Nagmadali akong kunin yung wallet ko sa bag ko, and to my surprise kulang ng 2 pesos yung barya ko!!! May buo man, pero buong isang libo.

Panic mode na ako nun kase hindi naman pwedeng ibayad ang isang libo. Naghalungkat ako sa bag ko pero limang 25 cents lang ang nakita ko. Pinagsisihan ko tuloy na iniwan ko yung cents sa sukli ko kanina.

Ako nalang inaantay para makaalis na. Parang gusto ko na lang bumaba kase hiyang hiya na ako. Tapos tinitignan pa ako ni kuyang katabi ko kaya mas na-pressure ako.

Ilang ulit ko ng binilang yung barya ko, kulang talaga ng piso. Mukha akong tanga habang nagbibilang ng paulit-ulit, nagbabakasakali na madagdagan, p*nyeta!

Naiiyak na ko nun, tapos biglang nagsalita yung katabi ko,

"Magkano kulang?" parang natatawa pa niyang tanong.

"Piso lang …" malambing ko pang sabi doon kay kuya. Naiiyak na kase talaga ako sa hiya.

"Oh eto oh" sabay abot niya ng piso.

Nginitian ko lang siya pagkatapos nun tapos hindi na ko kumibo. Kunwari nalang natutulog ako sa byahe kase alam kong pinagtitinginan ako ng ibang pasahero.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahy doon na ako nanghihinayang kase hindi man lang ako nagsabi ng ‘thank you’ kay kuya poging katabi ko. Tapos naalala ko pa na sobra pa ng 25 cents yung binayad ko kay kuyang naniningil.

Shout out kay kuyang taga-FEU na nakasakay ko at ni-libre ako ng piso. I’ll never forget you!

CL

2019

SHS

ADMU