THE VOW (PART 1)

Love, today is one of the most unexpected days that we have never imagined. Today will be (supposedly) one of the best days of our life.

But before I start, I want to look back on how it all started.

Its the usual story of two random strangers who met and became friends. We like to annoy each other, spend time laughing in our corny jokes, drink with our friends, share life problems and dilemmas, have everyday late night talks and think about our ideal future relationship.

Surprisingly, we were slowly and secretly falling for each other. Can you still remember our tropa’s joke during inuman “ligawan mo na kase”. But knowing me, ligaw is not for me. So I confessed. I confessed without expecting anything in return. I confessed because that’s how I feel. To my surprise, you also confessed that you were secretly inlove with me for a long time. And that’s when we became official.

Our relationship were smooth sailing at first. Then pandemic came, LDR happened. In your absence, I became too comfortable to them and you get jealous all the time.

One day you asked to break up with me and I cried and ask why.

You said “tigil na natin tong pagiging magjowa kase gusto na kita pakasalan”.

You always have that annoying way to surprise people.

Love, our relationship were not that like seen in the movies with too romantic and extravagant story, but it was something anchored in the strong foundation of friendship. We are contented with what we can offer and did not ask for something more. Despite the distance, we can still feel the love and care for each other.

With that, I want you to remember these promises for you:

I vow to constantly trust and choose you, to always love and forgive, to accept your flaws without regrets. I vow to always remind you to drive safe, to patiently wait for you to come home everyday and to cook your favorite food when you are tired from work. I vow to always listen on how did your day went, to be the one to say “tara shot?” when you feel stressed and to make you coffee the morning after when your hangover starts to kick in. I vow to be a good wife and a good mother to our future children, to be the light and guide of this future family and to cherish all of these until the last day of my life.

I can’t wait to say this vow to you at the church where you grew up. I can’t wait to walk in the aisle and stand in front of the altar with you. I love you so much; that in a million lifetime, I will always choose to be with you.

But for now, I want to choose myself. I needed time to think and fix myself. It’s been months since the tragedy but it just feels like yesterday, that tragedy that caused me forget the girl you’ve love for the longest time. I’m sorry love, but I can’t be with you anymore.

If I’ll be gone, I hope you will forgive everyone, including yourself. Y’all heal and accept everything; and when that time comes, I want you to love again. I want you to find someone to marry, to eat street foods with, to spend nights at home watching movies, to travel and see the world, to build a home outside the city and far from the crowd and to have twins that we’ve been wanting for so long. I want you to continue your life and fulfill our plans (turned to be only your plans because sadly, I had to leave).

My heart is full of shame, guilt, regret, and despair, and I don’t want you to see more of my suffering. I want you to be happy, love. Because that’s what you have taught me. Please know that I love you so much and it will always be you even in the next lifetime I’ll have.

Elisse

2015

Unknown

DLSU

EXPERIENCE

My first experience of cigarette was really awful. But to think that it's cool then, I kept trying till I make it a weeks after. I enjoy playing with the smoke most specially when I'm in public, just to be cool tho.

I wrote this letter just to tell all the kids nowadays that I've encountered each day. Hopefully this letter will reach you, or you'll reach this I hope. In my old days I remember I have the power to refuse but I don't. Cause in my eyes it's really fun. Sinabayan pa ng puyat tapos yosi maya maya.

It started in one stick, just only one. I used all my ninja technique to hide it at my parents and relatives. But it seems like I can't hide it forever. I got scolded by my mother and father the first time they knew it. But since they already knew it there's no reason to hide it. Pero di ako nagpapakita manigarilyo sa harap nila up until now . Nahihiya parin ako kahit alam na. Although nakikita nila ko.

I started at one and now I can deal with one pack or more. At first I can't feel any. But now I regret it. It's true that curiosity kills a cat. I can't feel comfortable every morning. I easily got faint, and my cough will be here for a years. My teeth got destroyed. My lungs is aching sometimes.

It is hard to quit when you're addicted, you must quit while you can. I'm still young, I know. But it's going to be insane. I am still looking on how I can escape the game I started. It's not easy, I tell you that. It feels like that it's flame melted my cardio away.

I warned you guys although I didn't feel any serious condition for now but it will lead soon to a critical one. So please stop smoking while you can make it.

Don't criticise my grammar, I'm not a pro.

Reckless Eyes

2018

BSA

UE

IKAW PARIN ANG PIPILIIN SA SUSUNOD NA HABANG BUHAY

So yuff, Good day USF! Iibahin to typing style ko baka makilala ng mga magagaling kong former classmate.

As you can see, based sa title magcoconfess ako. Yuff, Kung tinatanong nyo Y dito, I cant afford to loose our friendship. The bond that we had and the memories we build.

I've been into you since day one. Yep, you're cute plus you are smart. No wonder ilan kaming mgs nagkakagusto sayo.

Fast forward, last year nagbreak kayo ng girlfriend mo. Sakin ka nagsasabi non, na nasasaktan ka na, na you've been crying every night kasi sobrang nahihirapan ka to the point na hiniling mo na sana wag nalang kayong magkita. As a Friend mahirap yung makita kang ganon kasi kaibigan kita. Masakit din para sa akin na makita kang ganun. Kaso hindi pala ako nasasaktan dahil lang kaibigan kita. Nasasaktan ako kasi andito parin yung feelings ko sayo before. Na kung ako sana yung kasama mo hindi ka na masasaktan ng ganon. Na kung ako yung nasa posisyon nya, I wont let you feel hurt.

I respect you, hindi ako nagpakita ng sign basta nakinig lang ako sa lahat ng rants mo, nakinig lang ako sa lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman mo na habang pinapakinggan ko, sya namang baon sa dibdib ko. Masakit, sobrang hirap mong tingnang nasasaktan.

Nung alam ko sa sarili kong okay ka na, pinilit kong iwasan ka, layuan ka. Kaso mahirap din pala lalo na kung nasa iisang lugar lang kayo. Nilayo ko yung narardaman ko pero hindi nalang yung sarili ko kaso habang tumatagal lalong lumalalim, lalong tumatagal lalong sumasakit lalo na kung alam mong wala talagang pag asang magkagusto siya sayo.

Then pandemic happens, nawalan ng pasok, inisip ko na hindi kita makikita. Inisip ko na kapag hindi na kita makikita mawawala na, but I was wrong.

Hindi ko inexpect na sa halos isang taong Quarantine, hindi kita nakikita, hindi din kita kinakausap, gusto pa rin kita. Na mahal pa rin kita.

Sabi ni Tob sa He's into Her, hayaan lang daw iexpress yung feelings para mawala. Kaso hindi pwede e. Ayokong mawala yung friendship natin once na malaman mo. Natatakot akong ma Reject mo. Natatakot ako kasi baka once na malaman mo lumayo ka.

You once told me na sana all kaklase ako. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na You always have me, na you still have me. Kaso wag nalang.

And yep, If you're reading this kahit alam kong imposible, sobrang gusto kita. Sobrang mahal kita. Hindi ko alam paano sasabihin sa'yo kaya pinadaan ko dito.

I am silently wishing na sana ako naman. I always prayed for your safety, as well as your family.

Salamat pa din kay tadhana kasi pinagkrus nya landas natin.

Sana ikaw na sa susunod na habang buhay. Hanggang dito nalang siguro muna lahat ng mga kathang isip ko.

Tres.

2020

STEM

SSHS

GHOSTER

Hi, kung mapopost man ito thank you so much kasi wala talaga ako mapagsabihan ng nararamdaman ko.

Ako yong babae na loyal, faithful, stick to one pag in a relationship. As in hindi talaga ako tumitingin sa iba lalo na pag inlove ako. Nagka boyfriend ako last year na tawagin na lang nating Greg. He was my classmate when we were grade 10. Actually di ko sya napapansin noon kasi may crush ako don sa isa naming kaklase and naging kami.

Ayun tulad ng ibang relasyon, nagkalabuan kami and naghiwalay. Tapos dun naman umeksena si Greg. We became friends and nagkaaminan kami. Matagal din syang nanligaw sakin kasi nag aalangan pa ako dahil bawal pa ako magboyfriend noon. So dahil mahal ko, sinagot ko na.

He was sweet back then, he lend me his jacket, held my hand infront on our friends and he always treat me like a baby. Masaya kami pero selosa talaga ako kasi madaming malapit na babae sa kanya to the point na nagagalit ako kahit kaibigan lang nya yon pero ayon sinusuyo naman nya ako. Alam ko na mali ako pero di ko maiwasan. Yun lagi ang pinag aawayan namin.

Nagsosorry naman sya at pinapatawad ko naman lagi. Ganun naman diba pag mahal mo? Nagiging marupok ka, papatawarin mo at bibigyan ng madaming chances. Pero dumating yong araw na di na nya ako kinakausap kung hindi ako ang unang mag aapproach sa kanya. Nararamdaman ko na may mali kasi hindi naman sya ganon. Then I texted him na kung ayaw na ba nya and he replied yes.

Pagod na daw sya.

Alam ko na ako yong dahilan kasi I was so immature. So after that, I tried to move on. Then I met Kriis, he was caring. Gusto nya manligaw and I refused, but I told him na gusto ko sya. So noong prom namin sinayaw nya ako, sobrang magical nong time na yon.

Then nagstart na yong quarantine at narealize ko na mahal ko pa pala yong ex ko kaya ayon ghinost ko sya.

ALAM KO NA ANG SAMA KO PERO KESA NAMAN PAASAHIN KO SYA MAS MASAKIT YON.

Nag adik ako non sa anime kasi wala naman din akong kachat kaya sige.. Then nagchat sakin si Greg at gusto nya makipagkita. Sinabi ko na hindi ako pwede and he told me na he want me back. I was confused and happy at the same time pero hindi ako pumayag and he accepted that.

Then dumating naman si Mel, dati kong manliligaw. Masarap sya kausap at sinabi nya na gusto nya ulit manligaw. At that time, gusto ko na din sya pero I still love my ex. Inentertain ko naman sya tapos nong narealize ko na mali yon ghinost ko din sya. Alam ko na masama yon pero natatakot ako umamin na mahal ko pa yong ex ko.

Oo nagustuhan ko naman sila pero it's not my fault na bumabalik yong feelings ko. Gusto ko na din makamove on na nang tuluyan pero di ko magawa. Its been almost a year pero bakit di ko pa rin magawa? Can you give me a tip kung paano ba mag move on? I want to change myself.

ps. Nang ghoghost lang naman ako para takasan yong judgement nila eh. Ayaw ko lang na marinig na okay sila kahit hindi naman. Mali pero di ko talaga kaya eh sorry.

Mave

2020

GAS

Others

MGA DESPERADANG CHISMOSANG KAPITBAHAY

Alam ko po hindi ito masyadong interesting kasi hindi siya about sa love kundi sa mga chismosang kapitbahay. Gusto ko lang manghingi ng mga advices kung anong dapat kong gawin o naming pamilya sa kapitbahay naming chismosa.Ganito po kasi yun, nagsimula po yung away sa pagsaway po ng magulang ko sa pagbi-videoke at pagpaparty-party nila magdamagan. As in minsan umaabot ng 12 o 1, tapos 10 po curfew samin tsaka di rin po kami makatulog maayos kasi apartment po bali nasa 2nd floor kami tas third floor po sila. Pero lahat po halos ng nakatira sa apartment tas mga katabing bahay ay chismosa kami po lagi laman ng balita. Ewan ko po di naman po kami artista, hindi rin naman kami kagandahan. Tapos yun nagtuloy-tuloy na po na parang tuwing linggo o sabado magpaparty sila parang nangaasar kaya nagreklamo si mama sa barangay kaso wala pong kwenta barangay namin kasi yung mga kagawad po chismoso rin dito bali tatay o lolo po yun ng mga chikadoras. Hanggang sa tuwing magtitipon-tipon sila sa baba, pagkwekwentuhan ang pamilya namin tas magtatawanan.

Hanggang sa one time narinig ni mama yung pangalan niya tapos kinompronta niya yung kapitbahay, bakit pinaguusapan siya ,tas yun ni-deny nila tas nag-away pa tapos kami pa po yung pina-barangay. Tapos yun tuloy-tuloy pa rin yung party-party nila tuwing linggo o sabado. Hanggang sa gusto ko silang paringgan rin, nasa banyo ako nun naliligo rinig na rinig yung pagkanta nila. Tapos yung kinakanta nila yung favorite song ng papa ko na rock song tas nagtatawanan pa sila, syempre bilang anak maiinis ka kasi kabastusan yun sa magulang mo tapos yun po minura ko po yung kumakanta tas sinabihan ko ng masasakit na salita.

Aam ko pong masama yun pero kasi nakakagigil na tapos pagkatapos ng araw na yun, nagsimula na silang targetin ako naman. Mayroong araw na narinig ko na “hindi bago mag-birthday niya yun” sa sentence na narinig ko na yun alam kong ako pinaguusapan nila kasi yung day na sumigaw ako sa banyo, yun yung day bago ako magbirthday. Tapos may araw po ulit na nag-away kami nung babae sa 4th floor. Sa part na ito gusto kong humingi ng advice, kasi po pagkalipas ng mga ilang linggo, napansin ko parang may mga butas kisame namin tapos napaisip ako may narinig kami nitong mga nakaraang linggo na may nagdi-drill tapos edi sinabi ko kay mama tapos sabi niya baka crack lang yan. Pero crack, perfect na bilog na butas? Pero di ko na pinansin, sabi ko sa sarili ko baka nagiging delusional lang ako tapos hanggang sa isang araw yung mga tropa naman nung anak ng chismosa na chismosa rin yung nandun sa third floor nagtatawanan nakadapa ako natulog sa sala pagkatapos kong matulog diretso ako sa ref hanap ng pagkain tapos narinig ko yung boses ng tropa niyang lalaki o jowa niya malakas kasi boses o nagparinig talaga para mang-asar sabi “dapang-dapa” tapos dun nako nagtaka. Kaya para di na ko nanghinala,isang araw ni-try kong mang-asar sa loob ng bahay namin hindi ako nagsasalita, mukha lang alam niyo yung mukha ng nangaasar para tignan ko kung may butas talaga yung kisame at nakikita nila ako, tapos nagsitawanan mga gago edi huli.

Hanggang sa tinuloy tuloy ko nga yung mga pangaasar kong ganun dun ko naconfirm na pangarap talaga nilang maging CCTV pati sa part na oras ng tulog ko tsaka ako makakarinig ng malakas na pukpok ng martilyo as in malakas na malakas parang nanggigising. Tapos yun di ko nalang po pinapansin kaso ngayon sobra sobra na. Nagtataka nga po ako parang wala silang trabaho, araw-araw nakatutok 24 oras walang kinikilingan, walang pinoprotektahan, serbisyong totoo lamang. Yun lang po.

Ano po kaya pwedeng gawin sa mga desperedang chismosa?

Tsaka po pala buong angkan po silang pamilya tas nagre-recruit po sila, di ko lang po alam kung may bayad. Pag sinabi ko naman po sa magulang ko baka sabihin delusional ako tsaka syempre rin po kung isumbong namin sila sa may-ari baka takpan agad nila yan, tas mapagsabihan pa na gawa gawa kwento eh sila nga tong araw araw may update samin. Tsaka medyo close sila sa may-ari ng bahay.

Aiz

2020

SHS

TSIS